As often as a child, we heard common phrases like "dreaming not harmful", "you want a lot - you will get a little" and so on. But similar, inept failures give the children's children who limit them in the future. So we recommend replacing standard phrases, there is no answer to the ability and explain this to the child so that in adult life he did not have to face the consequence of restrictions.
Why parents answer this way
The template answer sounds rather sharply and often, in a somewhat offensive form. Usually, such phrases are flying out with their mouths when the stream of child's desires is overlapping their capabilities. Yes, a sharp answer is due to the inability to satisfy the whims of the child and to hide the own feeling of the "bad parent", the child hears "dream is not harmful."
Perhaps this model of behavior is adopted from their personal life when their parents also refused to them ask.
Another reason for the standard failure is the elementary fear of what if now go on the child, then the child's claims will increase. In other words, parents are so afraid to break down their child that they are ready to cool the dreams of children by the answer even in a coarse form.
If you summarize, then behind such answers is the helplessness of the parent, who worked the protective mechanism. But in the above phrases, not only the inept response to the child lies, but also laid the real manipulation and substitution of concepts.
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Want is not harmful
Dreams and desires are absolutely normal, especially in a child who does not understand such wording as financial insufficiency. But hearing such a phrase a child thinks that in his "I want" something bad is hidden. Over time, he can form a sense of guilt before any desire, as well as a distorted installation in relation to dreams, and needs.
A child who regularly hear such phrases is very vulnerable, because it is essentially divided by something intimate. Especially if his desires or dreams concern not only things, but help, attention or conversation. Over time, not receiving a response, the child begins to hide his requests.
You just imagine a kid who does not ask anything. Complicated? Exactly! In this stage, the child may be so close in itself because of the feelings of guilt, which can fall into depression.
Parents need to think about their reactions
Agree, it's time to think about getting rid of such phrases. If they "pop up" because of the feelings of guilt, then do not try to be an ideal parent, you are not like that.
Those parents who are afraid to break their child, it is worth remembering that the child needs the one who responds and hear their requests. But at the same time, they need a wise adult who will be able to dismiss, but will put priorities, will explain about the desires and their feasibility, and will also find an alternative.
In addition, it is not necessary to fulfill everything that the child voiced out loud.Perhaps he needs a dialogue in the process of which he will understand that this request is at all and not so for him is important.
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How to answer "no"
Remember one simple formula, following which you can gently refuse, but at the same time, without injuring the child's psyche. If at this second you for some reason can not satisfy the need of a child, then establish only a limit on the execution period. On the example it looks like this: "I see that you really liked this toy, but at the moment I am not ready for it to pay what I am very sorry."
You can propose to rinse the words to solve the problem together (invent the option of joint accumulation of funds) or offer an alternative, for example, go hiking with a fire and baked potatoes.
As a result, you did not refuse to a child, and it consists of the correct idea that his requests hear, and the desires are implemented either later or otherwise.