"I stand all the time before a difficult choice: or we will live better, or my works will become immortal." So Mikhail Zhvanetsky spoke, one of the outstanding writers of the country, which can only be compared with Saltykov-generous. In honor of the birthday of Zhvanetsky Time Out gathered quotes from his rapid monologues, relevant and today on the same reasons, but in the changed circumstances.
About Russian cinema"And it seems to look hard, and you see nothing. And the chairman does not go so, does not say, does not eat. And these lovers, taken entirely from the life of pigeons, also inequately go from the fountain and are inevitably looking into the distance. And those who have never been in the collective farm, somehow can not believe, and those who live there - terribly swear and mate crouch Hollywood! ".
On the effectiveness of some Russian drugs in comparison with foreign"What is funny: those medicines that do in detail, accurately withstand technology, and swallow. And then hear medical cries - how, exactly according to the CH3SO2N5 formula, plus methyl chloride for a couple - does not help, and exactly the same Swiss bastard takes this bacillus! Again, check the CH3SO2N5 for a couple - does not take, and, that is especially disgusting, they have the same name. Well, and Switzerland, a very small country. Krasnoyarsk Territory covers it like a bull sheep. She is taking care and works like a diesel in the plague, but not able to cure everyone in that distant country where we are just and flourishing. "
On family valuesFather squeezed her son in the corner.
- You have two apples. I threw one. How much do you have left?
Pacific bounce.
- You had two apples. I cut one sliced. How much do you have left?
Skuleling, stumps, pressed against the wall.
- You had two apples. I burned one. I! I devoured. How much do you have left?!
Crying, roar, blows.
- You kept two unwashed apples in your dirty hands. I pulled out one and devoured. How much do you have left?
Creek, crying.
- Dad! Do not! - No, you need! You had two apples. I pulled out and trampled one. One of the two I instilled my feet. How much do you have left?!
Shivery, howl, screams, squeal mom ...
About housing and communal services and appeals to instances"Lipkin, an elderly man, a disabled person without a leg, could relax, but writes, it is interested when the elevator will be repaired. The letter is written in excellent language, with old revolutions and bright examples. Passionately and convinced wrote a letter about the collapsed ceiling. For each row, as under each brick, there are live people of our days. "
About talking on social networks"We grab a higher dispute style. Dispute without facts. Dispute on temperament. The dispute, turning from the vote statement on the personality of the partner. What can say chrome on the art of Herberta von Karaian? If he immediately declare that he was chrome, he recognizes himself defeated. What can a person argue, who did not change the passport? What views on architecture can a man without registration? And in general, will it be possible to be interested in the opinion of a person bald, with such a nose? Let first fix the nose, grow hair, and then speak out. "
On the advice of instagram bloggers, especially women about losing weight"According to the instructions of our print, I read medical journals and reference books. In order to preserve the health and long years of life, I did not eat eggs and butter for three years in accordance with the instructions of medical journals. Then it turned out that this is a mistake, no meat is not necessary. In order to preserve the health and long life, I did not eat meat for two years, but it turned out that this is a mistake, you need to eat less bread and move more.
I stopped eat bread and moved more. I am writing from the hospital. I and my comrades are sleeping asking you to fulfill something fun at the requests of the victims of the Print. "
"Now my voice meaning": girls about bodypositive
- Tell me, is it an institution for the development of rocket orientation in airless space?
- Aaaa! The institute fell a handset and a shot rang out. He was shot by the head of the Third Department.
The next day, a bunch of fallen leaves, under which the trucks were roaring, moved to Taiga. On the old place only the wind moved the remaining piece of steam heating.
Call. Tell me, please, is it an institution for the development of rocket orientation in airless space?
- Aaaa! Again! A-ah! Ba-Bach! An experienced secretary officer was shot dead, the pride of the organization.
The next day, all the taiga, together with the snow moved to the Karakuma.
Call. Forgive me, please, it's again, I'm probably boring you ... Is it an institution for the development of orientation of missiles in airless space?
- Yes. What do you want?
- Wash you can?
About locked, camcorders and other "digital concentration camp""At the end of each street put turnstiles. Of course, you can walk and so, on health, but this is a recklessness - where I want to go there and go. At the end of each street put turnstiles. Just because. Let it still be skipping. No need to scare. Only the crash is given to know. And duty in dressings. Let stand and still pass. Already their presence itself, the very look ... You go on them - the face is burning, after them - the back is burning. And they do not ask anything ... so far. This is the whole effect. And already disciplined. "
About women"In any city goes to him, it's not afraid of losing a job. In the rain comes, in the Purga leaves. A man was completely confused and went away. Lost from manifold, strength, depth. Our man was weak significantly, much less interesting, primitive. Crazy, a bad eye looks, the authorities are afraid to death, can not solve anything. At work is silent, at home on the guitar plays. And this damn it is not afraid, not a single boss in the penny. Moscow comes to Moscow, for his son, for his holy soul. For men in front of men costs.
So I will be remembered to the whole height: the father cries in one shoulder, the husband to another, on the chest, the child is thirty years old, the hand of the grandson of ten years holds. "
What a woman does not want: Available on the ideas of feminism
About banning Mata."I, in general, at you! On your barge! .. On your channel! .. On your whole steppe! .. "
About meetings of the State Duma"Who said we do not know how? Rave! Above all over world level. Intrigue, preparation, blanks, rallying and dispersion ... shine! I am delighted! I was hoping for a small: laws, solutions ... nonsense and nonsense! We got more - a huge and beautiful picture of a working machine that does not give results. The mouse gave birth to the mouse: the abolition of Article II, which has long been canceled. "
"A squeezed feeling that includes ruthlessness, merciless and cruelty, called kindness."
100+ Russian songs changed our life
"And somewhere forty tons of paper burned in a warehouse, electrical ends naked left. So the storekeeper on himself a kilogram of two squeal. And the other to him a piece of skin gave his own, the fact that closer to the shirt. You read and think: somewhere rushed, somewhere sank, somewhere broke, and he always finds - he pulls out, he will fit, he will save. Well, if notice, and how many of them, missile, lie under the machines on our roads in the snow and in the rain. Of course, with spare parts, locksmiths, mobile workshops, every fool will be able, and you are so in the cold and in a heat, for five hundred kilometers from Ust-smile, for three hundred to Magadan, one, with the key, on the road. Here you are the hero, just you do not know. And you do not know how much different things keep on your heroism, for the feat of one is very often the crime of another. "
About the optimism of citizens of Russia"The clock bought, two days later the calendar refused. The yard is already thirty, and he shows all the tenth. We drank two hundred fifty, I looked at the watch - a normal clock. Then the arrows stopped, we are three hundred ... I looked at the clock: Lord, there is a case, the dial is, what else is it necessary? Gorgeous clock. And when the ceiling in the apartment fell, we generally rumbled three hundred fifty. And right. Delivered in winter, smeared in the fall. It is impossible to do all summer! Normal apartment. Again in the sanatorium fell specialized. Food is there - that in the cinemas in the buffets in front of the "shield and sword" give ... But we had it with you. We in the ward adapted - boiled, tiles, pea concentrate. OK, I say, Gregory! .. Excellent, Konstantin! "
About our bright future"It will be better. It will be. The disease takes a healthy shape. Health dimly lit up through the groove of decisions, the failure to comply with only the evidence of the living mind and the intelligence of peoples, with difficulty inhabiting our country. "