Father or not father
In many ways, the future relationships of the new chosen one with the child depend on the role of the Father in the child's life. If the father is present in the life of the baby, performs his duties, although it does not live with you, then everything is a little simpler. A new chosen one will be able to become a cool friend, a combat senior comrade. He will be able to spend time with the child, but all the issues of upbringing, health and other important points will solve parents. If the father has no father, the hypothetically new man can take this place. But it is important to initially not impose these expectations for him, not to look for a purposeful father to the child, but to concentrate on your own relationship with a man. Even if you assume that in the future your man will be able to take the place of his father in your family, do not forget that first of all he is your partner. It is necessary to convey to the child and acquaint him with a new dad, but with my mother's friend.
Rules of acquaintance
There is no rigid temporary continuum establishing clear boundaries that define the day and an hour of dating your own child with a new chosen one. But certain rules still exist:
- Your child should always see and know that Mom exists not only for him. What, in addition to mom, she is also a woman. That she can have other, no less important interests, affairs, relationships with other people and men too.
- To acquaint the child with each new man who appeared in life should not. First of all, you do not need to bring it home and demonstrate your close relationship in front of the child. It can cause jealousy and a feeling of rejection in a child.
- Do not demand from the child so that he call your chosen one, do not oppose the father of the child and the new man in the eyes of the son or daughter. Children themselves will understand who is who and how to treat her mother's new husband.
- Acquaintance should pass smoothly, without categorical statements like: "Meet, this is your new dad, he will live with us." It is best to organize several general meetings and spend time together in the park, in nature, for a walk. Invent common games, entertainment and thus reduce the level of anxiety in a child and make friends. Only after that it is possible to gradually introduce into your home.
It is not recommended that the man immediately gave some expensive gifts and performed all the wishes of your child in an attempt to buy his location to himself.
It is impossible to shift the responsibility for the decision of adults to create a family. It must be solved by the mother and her chosen one, but the child needs to be explained by the language understandable and affordable to him that now there is a new person in their family.
It is impossible to allocate the interests of a child or a new husband and make them priority relative to the other. It will be right to take collective solutions to issues related to the lives of children, and carefully refer to the feelings of all family members.
Boy or girl?
In general, these recommendations are universal in relation to the child of any sex. But some nuances still have.
Boys are very tied to mothers after a divorce. It happens that the boy even tries to replace the gone mother husband (it is called guentification, and this is a very dangerous phenomenon). In this case, a child may have jealousy, aggression, a new man will be perceived by him as a competitor, a man trying to steal Mamu from him.
It is important not to scold the child for the manifestation of aggression, do not try to educate, but it doesn't change for you for you, it's nothing to fight with your chosen one, because you will stay my mother forever, and he is your son forever. It is very important for the child that a close man is near the floor with him. It will be great if your man gets confidential relationship with your son.
With girls at the same time and easier, and more difficult. The probability that the daughter will compete with a man for their attention to moms, less. Closer to adolescence, the girl may easier to understand the mother's feelings and sincerely wish her happiness.
However, one should not forget that the man in the house is always a potential danger for the girl (however, for the boy too). Whatever warm and trusted your relationship with the beloved, try not to lose vigilance and always hear your children and believe them.
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova: pexels