What is a crisis in relationships?
First you need to define the concept of crisis. In psychology, the crisis is a condition in a pair, when equilibrium is disturbed. This leads to the inner and external manifestation of dissatisfaction. Naturally, it will be reflected in behavior, feelings, thoughts. But I, as a practitioner psychologist, who works with couples, I advise you to rely on another definition that the crisis is perceived as a qualitative change in the psyche, when a person does not suit the old behavior patterns and attitudes towards themselves to a partner, experience. This understanding of the crisis is absolutely normal!
If we talk about a couple, then it's good to remember the words of Leo Tolstoy that "all happy families are similar to each other, every unfortunate family is unhappy in its own way." There is a lot of crisis classifications in relationships.
There is an American psychologist and psychotherapist Virginia Satir. It describes crises on what is happening events in a pair. That is, relationships change not only over time, but with the ongoing stages in the life of the family.
Especially acute the crisis is felt with the advent of the first child from spouses. It plays the role and lack of experience, and the need to abandon the established life when everything is adjusted to the needs of the child. In the whole situation, when a woman gives himself motherhood, a man is moving into the background. She does not have enough strength, time, desire. This is normal.
But here begin crisis claims. "You do not help me!" - "And I earn money!" No one wants to understand each other. Then this is a growing adultery, a teenage period of the child. And, in the end, a blank nest syndrome, when parents feel unnecessary.
There are regulatory and abnormative moments. All I listed above, the rate for marital couples. To one or extent, each confronted with difficulties in these periods of life. And there are abnormative moments - the disease, the death of one of the spouses, treason, divorce.
In addition, no one has canceled crises of 10 years, 20 years, 30 years of marriage. And here I advise couples not to adhere to the definition of your crisis of some particular classification, and consider immediately a complex of reasons and individual features.
Does the attitude of partners affect the relationship of partners in which they marry? Some can get married in very young age, while others, for example, after 40 years, survived the divorce.It doesn't matter at what age people come into relationships. Marriage is, first of all, the choice. And when there is a problem and misunderstanding in the family, it is important to identify the reason for the negative in a relationship, which is completely impartial age. You can stay flashing to old age! If we talk about the years, affects the number of years lived together.
Yes of course! If we talk about the crises of the first years of relationship - this is the lack of experience, life and reluctance to put up with the installations and the rules to which each of the spouses are not used. For example, in the family of his wife, duties were distributed over all family members, and women were engaged in her husband.
At the beginning of the family life, the pronoun "we". "We went to the movies", "we bought", "we took" and so on. But I do not advise you to say so. You are a team, a friendly family, but you are both personalities. The splicing leads to a pricing of interests, and then their infringement with one of the partners. This is one way or another leads to mutual claims. "I put my best years on him!", "I could make a brilliant career!", "Instead of washing diaper, I could learn Chinese!" - This is this in-depth unrealization eventually poured by a negative on a partner. No one wants to blame himself, but accuses the other.
If we talk about a longer life together, then the causes of conflicts and crises can be the extinction of libido partners, the change of roles (was Mom, became a grandmother).
How to prevent the crisis in relationships?At first, it is also important to defend personal boundaries. "Corrects - I'm wondering", "he will change" - all this will not pass. Why build personal borders? It is necessary first of all for yourself so that it does not painfully hurt. It is necessary for a partner. If you built your own borders, you do not have the right to violate it, controlling his actions, but you can control your life.
A simple example. "I am aware that I can't control the other person with respect to rude words. But I can establish the borders and say that I will not tolerate this attitude towards myself. " As soon as you voiced it, your partner will become clear how to build communication with you, and for him will not be a surprise if you are marriage in five years that you are offended by those or other things.
How can spouses break each other's personal boundaries? For example, under the guise of care: "You don't have to wear this dress! It is too short, you can catch a cold. "
Be sure to find not common interests, but common goals. Many couples disagree in the first years of living together, because they do not see common goals, the implementation of plans. And, of course, it all affects the reduction of libido. Who will want sex with a man who does not understand you!
These are all the options for the Zoo "Bunny, Cat, Lapushka". So parents call their children. And this all negatively acts on libido. Professional language is sexy casting! In the first years, there are no problems with the problems with libido. There are communication problems. We are not used to talking about sex, our desires, we shame to talk about sex, find out new. During this period, it is important to study sextine, that is, to include hot census in the prelude. It commits.
But the extinction syndrome is inevitable. Love a new partner is easy: Novelty and emotions are working. Some do not imagine how you can want and love the partner in five, ten years of marriage. It turns out, it is possible. It is important to liberate, expand the boundaries of the possible. Polls work well here. "What do you like?", "What excites you?", "What would you like to try?" etc.
If you are hesitate to ask directly, try to hint with a selection of movies or books. Or even find out the reaction of the partner to a particular experience, told the story, allegedly involved with your girlfriend. "Imagine, and the girlfriend bought a cat mask! And the husband laughed, horror! " And watch the reaction.
Are there any physical aspects that affect the sex life of partners?The peak of sexuality in men comes up to 30 years, and the sexuality of women is revealed only after 30 years. The period from 37 to 45 years is especially bright. It is for this peak that the most women's change. But then I will note that women are to blame for themselves, turning their "bunny, cat" in a big child. But it is in this period that it is important to inspire, send, give to feel support.
And what about us? Spouses for each other are close people. But solely in the spiritual plan. There is no physical attraction, although there are no problems with libido. But you are not relatives!
Therefore, you need to add passions and tenderness to the relationship. I advise you to handle personal as often as possible. Watch together albums with photos, make a family tree and come up with a common tradition. For example, dinner together. Find a general hobby, find reassigns for holidays, important only for you. Walk on dates.
A woman can "close" in sex. This will help all sorts of sex toys. The female body is incredibly grateful! For men - oral, manual techniques.
At this age, partners can listen to each other, agree to change, adjust. Therefore, it is very easy to return the passion. It is enough to do what was not familiar during the years of marriage.