Kuluntu oluthetha isiRashiya umlomo wokunamathiselwano lunxulumene ngokuyintloko ngegama leLwadmila Petranovskaya. Uyichaza ngokweenkcukacha kwincwadi yakhe ethi "Inkxaso eyimfihlo". Bubudlelwane bothando, okukwienyanga zokuqala zobomi ukumisa ngomntu okhutheleyo kuye, iLlumnila Vladimirovna ibiza umntu ongaphandle komntwana, umnceda ukuba abe ngumntu owonwabileyo nozimeleyo.
Ithini le thiyori?Umsunguli wethiyori yothando ithathwa njengeyona ntshukumo yesiNgesi u-John Bohlby. Wakujonga njengokuvalelwa kwindlela yendaleko, kuba ukusondela ebantwini abadala kunye namalungu abantu sisiqinisekiso sokusinda kwabaselula. Ukuncamathisela phakathi kukanina kunye nabancinci bakhona kwihlabathi lezilwanyana. Kodwa abantu banzima kakhulu kwaye bebaninzi. Emhlabeni wanamhlanje, ungasinda ngokwasemzimbeni ngaphandle kothando. Ukuba iimfuno ezisisiseko zomntwana ekutyeni, efudumele, uya kuphila, akhule kwaye akhule ngakumbi kunomntu okhethekileyo kubuntwana, ukwamkelwa kunye nokuqonda.
UJohn Booklby wayengumphandi wokuqala olandele unxibelelwano phakathi kobudlelwane obuncamathisiweyo kunye nobomi obulandelayo. Wayekholelwa ukuba uninzi lwento ebizwa ngokuba yimbonakalo embi, ukunqongophala kwemfundo, ubundlobongela bomntwana bunokubangelwa kukwaphula uthando.
Uthando luthando?Hayi ncma. Ewe kunjalo, uthando lwelinye lamacandelo okuncamathisela, kodwa uthando olunye alonelanga. Ungamthanda ngokunyaniseka umntwana, ngaphandle kokuthatha inxaxheba ebomini bakhe, unokumisa ezandleni zakho ngobomi bezona zizathu zibalaseleyo kumntwana, akukho ndlela egxile kwiminqweno kunye neemfuno zakhe (kuba mama Uyayazi into oyaziyo ukuba kufuneka). Oku akuyiyo yonke into malunga nothando. Isincamathiselo sinovelwano, ukukwazi ukusabela ngobunono nangononophelo nakuphi na ukubonakaliswa komntwana, inkxaso, inkoliseko.
Oku akuthethi ukuba ubudlelwane obuncamathiselo bunokwazi ukudala ingelosi - njengabazali abangazange baqumbele abantwana kwaye bangabuphlikisi ngamanye amaxesha ukuba bakhwaza abantwana. Hayi, sonke siyanyamezela, sidiniwe ngabantwana, sicaphukisa. Kodwa ukunamathisela kunamandla kunaso naziphi na iimvakalelo ezingalunganga. Ukuba ngalo mzuzu xa unomsindo kumntwana wakho, ngequbuliso uyayikhupha ingozi, ulibale ngomsindo wakho kwaye ungxamile ukuya kuhlangulo. Ekhohlo ekugqibeleni ekugqibeleni kuthulile ixesha elide, uhlaziya iifoto zomntwana kwaye ugobe umakhulu ukufumana ukuba wenza njani. Ngamaxesha anje, umntwana uyakuqonda ukuba akukho meko okanye imeko, okanye umgama onako ukutshabalalisa ulwalamano lwakho, kwaye umnika ukuzithemba ngaphakathi.
Kungabonakala ngathi ubudlelwane bothando bufuna ngokupheleleyo kwaye buchithe ngokupheleleyo ubomi babo emntwaneni, balibale ngokwabo kunye nezilangazelelo zabo kwaye bajolise kuphela ukukhulisa umntu owonwabileyo owonwabileyo. Kodwa ayikho kwaphela. Umdla onyanisekileyo kwimidla kunye neemvakalelo zomntwana akuthethi ukuba uyalibala ngokwabo.
Ithiyori yokuncamathisela yithiyori yokulandela. Lo mntwana ulandela abantu abadala njengaxa ugcina umntwana wakho ngesandla sakho ukuze angalahlekelwa phakathi kwesihlwele, kwaye ngokomfanekiso oqingqiweyo, uyakhula. Ukuba ubomi bakho bonke buvaliwe emntwaneni, ukuba uphila ubomi bakhe endaweni yakho, ndingayitsalela phi?
Umsebenzi womzali kukubonisa imodeli yobomi bomdala obuzalisa ubomi. Oku akufuneki kube ngumsebenzi owaziwayo. Umntwana nje ufanele ukuba abone abantu abadala abazimeleyo, kunye nemicimbi yakhe kunye nezinto abanomdla kuzo, kwaye kwangaxeshanye bayazi ukuba, umntwana, uhlala eyihlawula ixesha, uya kuhlala eqonda kwaye efuna kwaye ancede .
Akukho zilgorithms apha, kubonakala ngathi "imihla emihlanu ngemini hug hug kunye namaxesha entente." Njengoko ingekhe ibe yindawo yokuphela ekufuneka iphunyezwe ukuze iqonde ukuba i-inngutshini yadalwa ikhulu leepesenti. Ubudlelwane bengqondo kukukhangela ngonaphakade ukuze kulungelelwano. Phila ubomi bakho, kodwa ukhathalele umntwana. Mgcine, kodwa ungazenzi isigqibo ngenxa yayo, unganyanzeliswa. UShange, kodwa ubiyelelo kuzo zonke iingxaki.
Ukuba ilula ngokupheleleyo, ke ithiyori yothando ingenanto uthando olusebenzayo kumntwana.
Ubunyani bayo bubonisa umbongo we-valentina berestov, apho i-LUGRAMICE Petranovskaya ikhethe njenge-Epigraph yencwadi yakhe ethi "Inkxaso eyimfihlo".
Ndikuthanda ngaphandle kwesizathu
Ngenxa yokuba ungumzukulwana,
Kuba inyani yokuba ungunyana,
Kwinyani yokuba umntwana
Ukukhula
Kwinyani yokuba utata noMama bakhangeleka ngathi.
Kwaye olu thando lude lude luphele imihla yakho
Iya kuhlala iyimfihlakalo yomzimba wakho.
Imifanekiso kaJanko Ferlic evela kwiPixabay