Molo bahlobo!
Sasicinga kwaye sagqiba kwelokuba ngoku isicatshulwa sokusasazwa, ababhalisileyo (Bhalisa kunokubakho nge-friday, abanye abafundi baya kuba nakho kwileta yeveki yomhleli Ifomathi kwiwebhusayithi yeNAN.
Oku akuthethi ukuba ngoku ayinangqondo yokufunda incwadana, kuthetha ukuba iya kuba nakho ukuyibona ngakumbi abafundi abaninzi. Kwaye sihlala sivuya xa izixhobo zethu zifunda ngenkuthalo!
Ke, kwinkupho yokuqala yefomathi entsha ye-Episristolar, siya kuthetha ngothando. Kuba usuku lweValentine, ewe. Kwaye nangona abazali abaninzi abancinci banokuthi babonakale ukuba luhlobo oluthile lwesithukuthezi esikrakra, ndifuna ukukuqinisekisa ukuba ayinjalo. Kwaye indawo yezothando kufuneka ibe kubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu abakhulisa abantwana kunye. Ndikuxelela njengomntu oneminyaka esixhenxe ethandana nomyeni wakhe.
Ngendlela, akasoloko esikhuthaza izigqibo zobushushu, kodwa ukuba ithathiwe ngenxa yoko, ufumana into enje: "Siya konwaba njengabazali, ukuba sonwabile njengendoda nomfazi."
Kwaye uyazi, ndithanda ukuvumelana noku. Ngenxa yokuba ubudlelwane obubi phakathi kwezinto ezityiwa sisibonelelo, thatha amandla kwaye ubonise umntwana, njengoko kubuhlungu kunokuba njalo, obonakala enoyolo kwaye wonwabe.
Ndiyaqonda ukuba asisoloko sisona sibini sinomnqweno kunye nethuba lokugcina ubudlelwane obuthando, kodwa namhlanje masithethe ngendlela oqonda ukuba kukho uthando, kodwa akukho mandla.
Okokuqala, ndingxamele ukuthuthuzela izibalo kunye nezimvo zeengcali.
UPhilip Cowin, Ph.D., Unjingalwazi we-Psychology kunye noMlawuli weDyunivesithi yaseCalifornia eBerkey, kunye ne-PH.D. Kwimpembelelo yokuvela kwabantwana ukuba baphile isibini ukusukela ngo-1975. Baye basungula iprojekthi enkulu ukuba yiprojekthi yosapho, kwisikhokelo sayo iminyaka emininzi babukela iintsapho ukuba bafumane ixesha lokukhulelwa ngaphambi kokuba abantwana babo baye eKindergarten.
Njengenxalenye yenxalenye yophando, bafumanisa ukuba abazali abangama-92 babazali babhengeze ukwanda kwendlela kunye nobunzulu beengxabano ukusuka ngexesha bavela ngalo.
Oku kuqinisekiswa ziinkcukacha-manani zaseRussia: Uninzi lwemitshato ihlutha kunyaka wethu wokuqala emva kokuzalwa komntwana. Ngeendlela ezininzi, ngenxa nje yoluntu, intsingiselo ebanzi ayithathi ingxubusho ejikeleze umzali - abaninzi babele, bengazi nto malunga nembonakalo yomntwana. Idala umsantsa omkhulu phakathi kokulinda kunye nenyani.
Ke ingcebiso yam yokuqala kwabo bangafunwanga nje ukuba ngabazali, kodwa nabo bahlala isibini: Funda umdlalo. Funda iincwadi kunye namanqaku ukuze ubole kuphando, bhalisela iikhosi, cela abahlobo, nxibelelana noochwephesha bezengqondo kwaye benze umfanekiso wenjongo kwaye uyenze into yokuba umzimba womntu unokwenza omnye umzimba womntu.
Kungcono kakhulu ukuba ulinde uhlobo oluthile lwe-tin, kwaye enyanisweni yonke into ayiyi koyikisa wena-umthombo wokukhutshwa unokusetyenziselwa izibonelelo zothando.
Kwaye ukuthantamisa ngokubanzi, okungenani kube kanye emva kokuzalwa komntwana, kwaphuma, kuqhuma uvelwano kwaye uqhubeke nokufunda umdlalo. Ngakumbi ukuba uyindoda. Awunakuyazi, kodwa ayingabo bonke abafazi abakwaziyo ukubuyela kwi-BIG (okanye ubuncinci bomncinci) ngesondo kwiintsuku ezingama-60 emva kokuzalwa komntwana.
Ukunciphisa i-Lingwedo kukuphendula okuqhelekileyo kwento eyenzekileyo yotshintsho: Indlela yendaleko yokukhuselwa ekukhulelweni okusakhulelwa, iya kwenza yonke into eyenzekayo ukuba inkcitho ayizenzekeli.
Oku akuthethi ukuba kubalulekile ukuba ngaphandle kokukhuphela ngokupheleleyo nokuthantamisa kunye nothando ebomini bakho.
Akukho nto ngakumbi yokuthemba, ukuqonda kunye nenkxaso. Ewe, wamkelekile kubomi bomdala, apho akwanele ukuba nezandla ezihle kwisakhelo semikhono yehempe yehempe kunye neplanga epokothweni. Ukwahlula-hlulo loxanduva kumntwana, ukwenziwa kwezigqibo, uxanduva lokusebenzisana ngobomi, ikhaya kunye nemfundo ebalaseleyo yokufumana ulwalamano olunokuthenjwa, kodwa nale mihla yeplate iitshipsi phantsi koPhidi.
Ngokubanzi, ukuvuleleka kokucwangcisa (oku kuyathandeka!) Kwaye ukuhlaziywa kwefomathi yolwalamano lothando luncedo olukhulu ekugcineni ubudlelwane bothando phakathi kwabazali. Imihla kufuneka ibe yinxalenye yendlela yabazali-ukuya kwenye indawo ngaphandle komntwana obalulekileyo kubantu abadala ababini kubuhlakani.
Ukuhlala, abahlobo, i-nannies, izalamane - naluphi na ukhetho ocinga ukuba lwamkelekile sisisombululo esihle sobusuku ofuna ukuchitha kuphela. Ukongeza, umntwana ngokwakhe uluncedo ekutshintsheni isangqa sonxibelelwano, andise kwaye aqhelane nezinye iindlela zokunxibelelana nabantu abadala. Ukuba awuqwalaseli ukwahlukana nomntwana njengokwenzakala kwaye kukungcatsha, akuyi kuba njalo.
Ndiva ukucaphuka kwabanye kuni. Kwaye ewe, njengomntu ongahlukani nomntwana nokuba sekhefini, ndiyakuqonda kakuhle. Kwaye ukuba okokuqala ungafuni ukuhlala ngaphandle komntwana (umzekelo, unokungakhululeki ngokwasemzimbeni ngenxa yamaxesha obisi), ungayenzi!
Zama nje ukugcina izithuba zemizuzu yothando kuwo wonke umntu onokuqulunqelekayo: Amagama amahle, amanqaku, ukuba yeyiphi na into encinci enokuthi ibe yeyona mveliso ibalulekileyo phakathi kwabazali abangaphathekiyo) iya kuba endaweni. Kwaye andithethi malunga nento yokuphuma kwe-selly kunye nemibuzo enee-erostic phaya, kuba andifundanga kwimagazini, kodwa ndineminyaka emithandathu ubudala - ndiyazi ukuba abazali abasweleyo ngokwesondo bahlala begcina i-x kuphela ** Abo ngamanye amaxesha bafuna ukuthumela omnye komnye.
Nditsho ukuba ukunxibelelana okuvulekileyo kunye nokunyaniseka kufuneka kube yeyona nto iphambili kulondolozo lothando, kwaye kubo bonke abangazange balume icebiso le-Oskovin ukunxiba iipanties ze-lace kunye nezandla zoboya.
Njengoko besitsho, ngesondo, kunjalo, kunjalo, kodwa uzama ukuthetha ngamazwi ngomlomo wakho?
Kwaye ekubeni uthetha kwaye uyavuma, unokuzama ukuphumeza ucwangciso ebomini bakho. Ewe kunjalo, isenokuvakala ngokukhawuleza kwaye sibe yinto engaqhelekanga: Yintoni onokuyiceba umntwana ezandleni zakho kwaye uza kusinceda njani? Uyazi, kuphela kukuqala kubonakala ngathi uyadinisa, kodwa ngokwenene ulinde umhla, izesondo okanye isidlo sakusasa wedwa (funda: Wonke umntu uya kukhawuleza ahambe, Uya kudibana nokuhamba kwaye bacoca igumbi, kwaye uya kuvuka kwaye uzolile kwaye uyokubukela uthotho lochungechunge lweTV yakho oyithandayo, kulungile? ngobuchule kunye nokukhathalela.
I-Pragmatism ayisiyonto yokwala kothando, oku kuyindlela eqhelekileyo yokukhangela kwinqanaba lakho.
Njengo-Andrew Sofin, uMongameli woMbutho woMtshato waseKhanada kunye nonyango lwentsapho, uninzi lwabathengi - abantu abanabantu abaphantsi kwesihlanu, ukuze kweli xesha lobomi anokuthathelwa ingqalelo kakhulu ukuba afune ukulingana phakathi komzali kunye nothando olunobudlelwane.
Kule meko kuyanceda ukudlala ngeenxa zonke: Ujonga i-chaoes eyenzekileyo ebomini bakho ayisoloko injalo, kodwa njengenqanaba (ngenye imini iyakuphela), ngenye imini iyakuphela ukugudisa amaxesha oxinzelelo. Abayeki ukubakho kwaye bangatshabalali naphi na, kodwa ithemba itshintsha kancinci kwaye yenza ubomi bube nokunyamezela, kwaye ke, oko kunika ithuba kuphela, kodwa ngokudibeneyo (kunye neqela). Kwaye oku kuthetha ukuba xa ekugqibeleni kuya kuba lula, ungajongane kwaye uthi amazwi amathathu axabisekileyo: "Siyaphumelela."