Umfundi ubhala ukuba ukusuka ekuqaleni kolwalamano oluye wathetha nomyeni wexesha elizayo: Akafuni abantwana. Nangona kunjalo, le ndoda yayiqinisekile ukuba ngokuhamba kwexesha isikhundla sakhe siya kutshintsha. Ukuba, "njengabo bonke abafazi," ufuna ukuba ngumama. Oku akuzange kwenzeke, kwaye ukuqhekeka komtshato kwimithi. Ungazenzela indlela enzima, uya kuxelela i-psychologist, tut.by.
Ukuphulukana nomntu osondeleyo kulula, kodwa ukubuyisela uqhagamshelo lweemvakalelo okanye ufumane i-varing efanayo-umsebenzi ayisiyonto ilula. Mhlawumbi akufanelanga ukuba ungamazilo kwaye uzame ukuzimela ngentloko kunye nengxaki ekubonakala ngathi ayisebenzi. Sikunika uncedo lwakho lweengcali ezivela kwiingcali zengqondo ezivela kwi "Iziko lolwalamano oluyimpumelelo".
Usithumela ibali lethu, kwaye siyayipapasha ngamagqabantshintshi ngeengcali. Ukuze sikuqonde ngcono intsingiselo yengxaki, nceda uthumele ezona zichazwe kakhulu (ngokuqinisekileyo, njengoko kufanelekile kuni amabali). Kwaye siya kwenza konke okusemandleni ethu ukuba siyimvakalelo, iMisosion noXolo bekhaya babuyela ekhayeni lakho. Ukungaziwa koonobumba kuqinisekisiwe.
-Ndineminyaka engama-34 ubudala, nditshatile-utshatile. Ndifudukele kwelinye ilizwe kwiminyaka emi-3 eyadlulayo ngenxa yomyeni wam - ngaphambi kokuba siphumelele unyaka nesiqingatha kumgama. Umyeni wam wayeyindoda yam yokuqala, oko kukuthi, ngaphambi koko ndingenalo nolwalamano oluninzi namntu. Indoda eneminyaka engama-43 ubudala.
Kutshanje, umyeni wasisa esithi masize sicwangcise umntwana okanye ubuncinci sicinge ngayo. Kwaye andizange ndifune abantwana kwaye ndiyaqonda ukuba andifuni.
Bendihlala ndicinga ngalo mbandela. Xa kwakusithiwa, bendicinga ukuba andifuni umntwana, kuba andinalo iqabane kwaye ndisebenza eliza kwandanelisa.
Yonke iminyaka eli-10 emva kokuphela kweDyunivesithi kwaye ngaphambi kokuba ndidibane nomyeni wam wexesha elizayo, ndaye ndazitshintsha, ndatshintsha umsebenzi omninzi, ndaya kwizifundo ezahlukeneyo zethiyetha. Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo, ndaqala ukubandakanyeka kuqeqesho lwabucala ngolwimi lwasemzini kwaye ndaqonda ukuba ndifuna ukuphuhlisa. Ngaphandle kwemfundo yendibano (kwimfundo esisiseko, ndiguqulela), ndaqala ukwenza into ngokuthe ngcembe amava kwaye ndakwazi ukufumana umhlohli kwizikolo zabucala. Ndicwangcise ngokuhambelana nomsebenzi wam ophambili wokufunda engekhoyo kubafundisi-ntsapho kwaye ngokuthe ngcembe ndingena kweli nqanaba. Emva koko ndadibana nomyeni wam ndaya eOstriya.
Apha, ukusuka kwinyanga yokuqala emva kokuhamba, ndaqala ukubandakanyeka kwizifundo ezinobuzaza, kwaye kunyaka ophelileyo ndafumana umsebenzi omncinci wesiNgesi nabantwana. Ndikuthanda kakhulu ukufunda kwaye kwangaxeshanye ukuya kusebenza-mandifumane imali encinci kakhulu kwimigangatho yendawo, kodwa inkulu kangangokuba. Emva kokuphela kwezifundo zoLwimi, ndangena kwisikolo seDivegogical kwaye okwangoku ndifunda ukusebenza emva kokusebenza njengomfundisi-ntsapho esikolweni. Kuya kufuneka ndigqibe ukufunda kwiminyaka eyi-1.5. Umyeni wam uyayazi indlela ebaluleke ngayo kum kwaye abantwana ababandakanyi ngezicwangciso zam.
Andizange ndiyifihle into yokuba andifuni. Abahlobo bam kunye nezihlobo zam bathi kungenxa yokuba andizange ndidibane "nendoda" yam. Kwaye ndacinga ukuba ngokuhamba kwexesha, lo mnqweno uza kuza ngokwabo, njengawo wonke umntu. Ngapha koko, ndibonakala kum, iingxaki ezimbini: Mhlawumbi ndinayo i-thekofobia - kuxa iingcinga zokukhulelwa kunye nokuzalwa zindibangela uloyiko, uloyiko kunye ne-therror. Nditsho nokuphupha ubusuku ukuba ndikhulelwe okanye ndilibele - ndiziva ndikhululekile xa ndivuka!
Ifoto: I-PXXABAY.com.Kodwa cinga ukuba ndiza kuyisusa i-Tokofobia ukuba ukukhulelwa kwam kuya kuba lula ... andifuni umntwana. Kwaye le yingxaki yam yesibini. Andifuni umthwalo woxanduva olunxulumene nokuzalwa nokukhulisa abantwana. Kwaye ngokubanzi, abantwana abancinci akazange bandenze ndife, andizange ndifune ukuthatha izandla zam okanye ndityhafe umntwana omnye umntu, kunye nabantwana abayi-7-8 ubudala andikwazanga ukunxibelelana.
Kwangelo xesha, andizigqali mna ukuba ngumntwana: Ndiyawahlonela abantwana bam, ndizimisele, azindibangela ukuba ndinentiyo. Kwangelo xesha linye ndithanda ukufundisa kwaye ndizibandakanya nabantwana, nangaphezulu kwesinye: ndincamathele ngokweemvakalelo kwabanye babafundi bam - abantwana besikolo. Ukukhulisa nje umntwana kubonakala kum umsebenzi onoxanduva kunye nobunzima. Kwaye ndiyazi ukuba, i-theotily, ndinokuba ngunina olungileyo, kodwa andifuni nje. Andifuni ukonakalisa impilo yam, andifuni ukungalali ebusuku, andifuni kuthintele imilinganiselo malunga nelizwe lam. Akukho bakhulu nootatomkhulu, oko kuthetha ukuba akuyomfuneko ukunceda ekukhathaleni umntwana.
Ndikwi-Owl yesikhova kwaye ndizibuze ukulala kade, ndiyakuthanda ukwenza ukuthanda, ukuhamba ixesha elide emoyeni omtsha, ndiyakuthanda ukupheka kwaye ndikonwabele ukutya kwewayini. Ngaphambi kokuba ibhedi, ndifuna ukufunda incwadi okanye ubukele imovie, kwaye ungafundanga ifani kumntwana kwaye umculele amalutha. Nditsho neHobby yam inomdla ngakumbi kum: Ndiyathanda ukufunda ibali le-movie kwaye ndiphucula kule bhanyabhanya, ndijonga kancinci iimuvi ezininzi, ndimamele iipodi ezizeleyo okanye ndifunde ukugxekwa.
Ngaphambili, bendicinga ukuba andifuni umntwana, kuba andizange ndisebenze, kodwa ngoku ndiyaqonda ukuba inqaku alikho kule nto. Umyeni wam uthi yonke into iya kuba nakho ukudibanisa, kwaye ngoku ndikuqala ngokuziphatha ngokuziphatha. Kodwa kubonakala kum ukuba intswelo yam ayikho ebantwaneni, kodwa ngokuziqonda, ngaphandle, njengoko sele ndibhale, kwakunzima kum ukufumana umsebenzi olungileyo kwaye ndiziqonda kakuhle.
Phambi komtshato, ndathetha nomyeni wam owoyikayo kwaye ndaxelela ukuba andifuni umntwana. Apho umyeni wam wandixelelayo, ukuze ndingakhathazeki, yonke into iya kufika. Kunyaka emva koko, ndaphawula ukuba waqalisa ukuba nexhala ngalo mbandela, ndaphinda ndaxela lo mzuzu kunye naye. Enjani yona indoda yam ithe ukuba ndingumntu olungileyo kwaye ndibathanda abantu, kwaye bonke abafazi abalungileyo bafuna abantwana ngokuhamba kwexesha kwaye isigwebo somama siya kuza nexesha.
Kwaye ngoku udlulile unyaka, kodwa andifuni abantwana. Kwaye emva koko umyeni wam wayesoyikisa kwaye ebeka uxinzelelo kum: uthi oko kungaqhelekanga. Umyeni wam uyandiqonda kakuhle, kwaye ndiwuthathela ingqalelo umhlobo wam osenyongweni. Kodwa xa kufikwa ebantwaneni, uyala ukuqonda kwaye athathe le meko, kwaye kutshanje, ezi ngxoxo zaqalisa ukumfowunela nobukrwada kunye nokucaphuka.
Ifoto: U-Eric Ward, Angasebenzi.comUthi "imikhaza yethu yabukela", besingekabi neminyaka engama-30, kuyimfuneko ukuba uthathe isigqibo kungekudala. Kwaye kumbuzo wam, kutheni umntu engumntwana, uthi umntu ongumntwana, uthi amabinzana athi "abantwana - ezi ziintyatyambo zobomi kunye neziqhamo zothando, xa siza kuba sisiphumo sobomi bethu, kakhulu ukuba Ikopi encinci ngokwayo, ngaphandle kwabantwana - Ubomi bunesiphene, usapho ngaphandle kwabantwana Umntwana ayilosapho, njl.
Ngesizathu esithile, kubonakala kum ukuba zonke ezi zizathu ziyindlela yokulwa neengxaki zokufaka i-neurotic zokuqhubeka. Umyeni wam uhlala esithi kum ukuba ayonwabanga emsebenzini nakumsebenzi wakhe, ke amaphupha osapho oluhle nolunamandla. Akufikelelek phantse abehlobo apha, nazo zonke izalamane zethu kweli lizwe. Ukholelwa ukuba usapho luphuma kobo bunzima. Inxalenye yam, ndimthanda kakhulu kwaye ndifuna ukuba wonwabe. Ukuze sonwabe kunye.
Ngokwam, ndiyakholelwa ukuba abantwana bafuna ukuhambisa into kumnqweno okanye bandise, kwaye kungengenxa yokuba "imikhaza." Andicingi ukuba usapho lukwabantwana kuphela. Uluvo lwam: Ulwalamano (nokuba, okanye ngaphandle kwabantwana) lufuna umsebenzi oqhubekayo, ngaphandle, naye umyeni wakhe waqala ukuhlala kunye emhleni, kwaye sisahlangana omnye komnye imibuzo. Ukutshatile, ndabona usapho lwethu njengomntu otshatayo, apho eyona nto iphambili inomdla, apho eyona nto iphambili inomdla, inkxaso ethunyelweyo, uphuhliso oluhlangeneyo, imidlalo, njl.njl.
Umtshato apho amaqabane akhululekile kwindawo nganye nangomntwana. Njengoko ngoku kuyavela, sinezimvo ezahlukeneyo ngomtshato ... kubonakala kum ukuba umyeni ebekukholo lwento endinayo (okanye eza kuvela kwixesha elizayo) ngayo.
Ndibuze ekuhleni ukuba ndiyeke ukuba andifuni umntwana, oko akuthethayo, akafuni kutshabalalisa usapho lwethu, kodwa ukholelwa ukuba ndiza kukwamkelwa komntwana, mna, njengoko Ukuba ndiyithatha ilungelo lonwabo lwakhe kwaye siya kuba nenxaxheba, kuba iya kuphola kum.
Ndizama ukuzophela into yokuba, mhlawumbi, umyeni ufuna umntwana okwenqanaba leliqonda, kwaye engazi-ngokungazi, kwaye ke engafuni ukuba abantwana bakhe bamfumeze abantwana? Ngapha koko, phambi kwam, wayenolwalamano nentombazana engafuni ukuba nomntwana (bahlukane nesinye isizathu).
Ndiyawuthanda umyeni wam kakhulu kwaye ndiyaqonda ukuba umntu omangalisayo akasekho intlanganiso, ngoko kutshanje ndiye ndaziva ndinexhala lokuba ndinokuphulukana nomyeni wam kwaye ndisenanto kancinane, kodwa ndiselusapho. Kwaye ngaphezulu kwexesha, ndaqala ukuzibamba ndicinga ukuba ndiyabamonela abafazi abangenaphumzi okanye abafazi ababengenamsebenzi, kuba abanayo le ngxaki, babele okanye hayi zala. NDIFUNA UKUZE NDIYA KUKHONA UKUZE UQEQESHE, Ndingafuna ukukhupha isisu okanye ndiphuphe ngokulahlekileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha iyakothusa kwiingcinga ezinjalo.
Zithini izisombululo kule ngxaki? Umyeni uquzelele umntu ongamzalanga abe ngowakho okanye upenter ubuye.
Impendulo yengqondo:
-Ukuzalwa okanye ungalandeli umntwana - olu kukhetho olukhululekileyo lwawo wonke umntu. Kuyo nayiphi na imeko, kuye kwenzeka emhlabeni ukusuka ngalo mzuzu apho i-upracets yavela kwintengiso yasimahla, ekhokelele kwinguqu yesondo nolawulo lwenkqubo yokukhulelwa. Sasinethuba lokucwangcisa xa kuba mama mama nokuba iba ngumgaqo.
Nangona kunjalo, kukho amanqaku amaninzi abaluleke kakhulu.
Okokuqala, utshatile, kwaye ke, le ayisiyomibuzo yakho, kodwa ulwalamano lwabantu ababini kwisibini. Umntwana ukuqhubeka kobudlelwane, inqanaba elitsha lokuthanda umntu osondeleyo kuwe. Kule meko, ukuzalwa komntwana kukwamkelwa kweqabane lakhe ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane, isiqinisekiso sokuba yeyona nto ibalulekileyo kuwe kuwo onke amawaka ezigidi ezihlala kwiplanethi.
Ngomntwana wakho, sidlulisela thina kunye neqabane lethu, siqhubeka nohlobo, qinisekisa ixabiso lethu. Masisasazwe ngokoqobo: "Ufanelekile ukuphila kwaye uqhubeke!"
Bazali bayavuya ngokwenene ukubona ukuba umntwana ethwala njani ii-papins zikaMama noMama. Inkangeleko, ubuchule, amanqaku emijelo kunye nembonakalo yobuso. Ngomsebenzi onjalo, le ndoda ayikwazi ukunyamezela. Kuphela ibhinqa elikwisibini linokwenza ummangaliso wabo kubo, inoxanduva lomlingo wobomi.
Okwesibini, umntu ayisiyiyo kuphela iingcinga kunye nolwazi. Lowo ngumzimba. Yonke into echaphazela umzimba wethu, asisoloko kwaye ayinguye wonke umntu onokuqonda kwaye alawule. Kwaye uphila ubomi bakhe. Awulawuli ukukhula kweenwele, umsebenzi wokudibana kwedolo, ukuveliswa kweehomoni kunye nokufakwa kwentsimbi? Kwaye eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba umzimba, ulumkile kwaye unamava, unesixa esikhulu solwazi oluqokelelwe kumawakawaka eminyaka yendaleko. Kwaye akukho mntu unokuqikelela kwangaphambili ukuba le nkqubo yokukhulelwa komntwana, ukukhulelwa kunye nokuzalwa komntwana kunokwenzeka emzimbeni wakho. Le yimfihlakalo enkulu apho ogqirha ebesilwa khona iminyaka emininzi.
Ke kutheni uqiniseke ukuba isibini sakho esithi "sikhulelwe" kwaye sizale umntwana ngokulula kwaye kwangoko? Nditsho nokubamba inani elikhulu lophando akunakuqikelela ukuba ingakanani ihambelana nomyeni wakho, ubungakanani bomzimba wakho bulungele le nkqubo. Babengacingi ukuba uya kufuna, kwaye ungazisebenzisi izizathu zenyama. Lungathini ubudlelwane bakho neqabane lakho?
Kunye nomzuzu wesithathu, ngokwengqondo. Kumava akhe, wena, ewe, awunakuba lulwazi malunga nokuba lunjani umama. Indlela yokuziva ngale ndima ungapheliyo (ndilele - andizange ndilale; ndijonge imovie endala ye-105), kodwa ngokwangaphakathi amava angaphakathi. Ngaba luhlobo luni lweemvakalelo "ukuba lube lilungelo", yintoni ephendula ngaphakathi komfazi?
Kwaye yile nto iyamangalisa. Akukho namava obunye, kwaye kukho ukoyikeka kuye. Ucinga ntoni, ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba woyike into ongayiziyo into endingazivanga ngayo? Kum, oku kuyafana nokuthi: "Esona siqhamo simbi emhlabeni - sesona siqhamo, andizidlanga, kodwa bendindixelele kakhulu. Kwaye ivumba, kwaye incasa, kwaye isesandleni ingemnandi, iluhlobo oluthile lwexesha eliqinileyo. "
Ke, olu loyiko ziinkumbulo zakho zamava abantwana akho anamava. Yayiyintoni le nto ebuntwaneni bakho, yintoni eyakha ingcinga yokuba ngumama?
Ukuthetha ngomyeni wakhe, ubonakalisa: "Ngesizathu esithile, kubonakala ngathi kuezo zonke ezi zizathu kukulwa iingxaki kunye nemizamo ye-neurotic yokwenzeka." Ucinga ntoni ngaye okanye malunga neenkalo zakho ze-neurotic oyithethayo ngeli xesha? Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, amaqabane ethu zizibuko zethu. Ngumntu osondeleyo kuphela oya kuhlala ewela kwelona nqaku libuhlungu kwaye liya kulibonisa.
Phendula wena ngokunyaniseka kumbuzo othi: "Yintoni le imile engafuniyo ukuba nomntwana? Ukuba bendinokholo, ingaba yintoni? "
Xa unokuziphendulela ngokunyaniseka ngale mibuzo, iya kunokwenzeka ukuba uthathe isigqibo esifanelekileyo. Ungasebenza kwimibuzo eyakho, kodwa ungaqhagamshelana nengcali. Ngoku kukho ithuba elihle lokusebenza kwi-intanethi.
Kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba le meko ayiveli ngengozi ebomini bakho kwaye ayizukutshintsha ngokwayo. Ukuba ungaziqonda ngokulula nangeemvakalelo zakho, emva koko unokusithatha isigqibo malunga nomntwana "ovulekileyo", ukuqonda isizathu sokwenyani esizithandayo.
Ndikunqwenelela ulonwabo kunye nemvisiswano yangaphakathi, nantoni na oyithathayo. Tut.by.