Ewe kunjalo, kuhle ukuba ngunina xa abantu abadlulayo besithi ukwinye nomntwana onjengodade nomntakwethu. Kodwa ihlala yenzeka rhoqo ukuba ukukhulelwa kuza ngelo xesha xa uninzi sele luthululela abazukulwana. Kumazwe aseYurophu, kwakungekho nto injengomkhuhlane wexesha elide, kodwa sisenezinto ezinqwenelekayo ukuba ufuna ukuzala ngobudala.
Abafazi abagqibe kwelokuba babe ngumama emva kwe-40 baxelele amabali abo.
"Mama, umdala kakhulu"
Nathi kwaye umyeni wam wayesele nabantwana abadala. Sele ndineminyaka engama-43 ubudala, kwaye umjikelo wawugqogqakile, ngenxa yoko andizange ndinikele ingqalelo kulibaziseko olulandelayo. Kodwa xa ndandiqala ukundihlukumeza ekuseni, ucaphucaphu, buthathaka, ndabaleka ndaya kwiGynecologist. Kwi-ultrasound ndaziswa ukuba sele ndineeveki ezili-12 zokukhulelwa. Ndothuka, kuba mna nomyeni wam sasihlala sikhuselwe, kwaye ndandingayi kuzaliswanga ukuba iminyaka. Kodwa kwakungekho nto yakwenzayo, eli gama laliluphele, kwaye umyeni wam wathi, Ukunqunyulwa:
"Inikezwe, kwaye inqaku. Sahlangabezana, bahlanganisana, basithathu, baya kunyusa.Iingxaki zokuqala zaqala xa ndabhaliswa ngokukhulelwa konxibelelwano lwabasetyhini. Ugqirha nomongikazi, akanantloni, exubusha isimo sam ngelixa ndinxibe uhlolo.
Ndathula, nangona ndandifuna ukumcacisela ukuba yintoni na indlela yokuziphatha, ngakumbi kwizigulana. Ugqirha ugcwalise iKhadi lotshintshiselwano kwaye ugxininise ukuba kubaluleke kakhulu ukunyanga impilo yakhe ngononophelo kwaye ngononophelo, kuba andineminyaka engama-20.
Bendingazi ukuba ndingabaxelela njani abantu abadala ukuba umntwana uza kuvela kungekudala kwintsapho yethu. Kodwa batyhila ngokuqonda, baxhaswe kwaye bathathe inxaxheba ekuthengweni kwazo zonke izinto eziyimfuneko kusana. Ukukhulelwa kuyaqhubeka kakuhle, andinazo naziphi na iingxaki ngokwam. Kanye nje ukuba ndingene esibhedlele ukuze ndilondolozwe, kodwa endaweni yoko, lo gqirha waqiniswa, kuba kwakungekho zizathu zinzima zenkxalabo. Kwaye umntwana wam wesithathu, unyana olindelwe kwaye wawuthandayo wavela emhlabeni.
Ndiza kutsho kwangoko, usemncinci, kulula kakhulu ukujamelana nosana olusandul 'ukuzalwa. Ndikunye nabantwana abadala, andizange ndikwazi ukulala ebusuku, ndize ndihambe imini yonke, kwaye ndiziva ndinjalo. Ngoku bendinzima kakhulu. Ukungalali ebusuku kwakungekho, izandla kunye nokubuyela kwitekhnoloji eqhubekayo. Umyeni kunye nabantwana abadala banceda, kunjalo, kodwa yonke imihla ndaziva ndikhathaze.
Kuba, ndadibana, ndadibana nabantu abaninzi abangasebenziyo ababekhathazekile. "Uyintoni mzukulwana wakho?", "Ngumkhulu ofanelekileyo kwi-CAT", "unjani umama?" Ngaba unzulu? " -Imibuzo efanayo indisukela rhoqo. Intombi enkulu yagcinwa nonyana wakhe owayehamba nomntakwabo ngelixa ndinokuphumla okanye ndenze into ejikeleze indlu.
Bona:
Ndandineminyaka engama-46 ubudala xa unyana wam waya eKikergarten. Kwigumbi elitshixwayo, sadibana nabazali abancinci, owayecinga ukuba andinguye umama, kodwa umakhulu wam. Ndiyakhumbula, utitshala waqala wathi kunyana wakhe: "UVanya, umakhulu weza kuwe." Emva koko uVanya waya esikolweni, apho ndaqhubeka khona ndifowunela umakhulu wam. UNyana wayiphatha ngokuzolileyo, kuba wayesazi ukuba ndingumama wakhe othandwayo.
Isimo sakhe sengqondo ngam sitshintshile xa iminyaka yotshintsho yaqala. Khange ndiqonde intsha intshatsheli yakhe, andizange ndimthenge igajethi entsha, kwaye iimpahla zakhe bakhethwa ukuba basebenze, kwaye hayi kule mihla. Umzalwana okhulileyo wancedwa ngudade wabo, kodwa usekho kwaye uVanya wayenenzonzobila yokungaqondakali. Nje ukuba sithethe ngemfundo yexesha elizayo yoNyana, ayizange izalise izinto eziqhelekileyo, zaziphumela. UVanya wadandazwa wakhwaza:
"Yintoni onokuyiqonda, umdala. Abahlobo bam babenethamsanqa, banabazali abancinci abanokukhwela nabo ngeebhayisikile, bedlala ibhola. Kwaye uhlala ukhalaza malunga nezinye izifo kwaye uhlale ekhaya. Kutheni undinike bonke ngeli xesha? Singalinda ipenshini, kwaye yonke into iphilile. "
Ibuhlungu la mazwi emntwaneni wakho othandekayo, kodwa bendiqonda ukuba unyanisile kakhulu. Sasivela kwesinye isizukulwana kwaye sasingakwazi ukumnika unyana wencoko awayeyifuna. Emva koko uVanya, onjalo, wacela uxolo ngamazwi akhe, kodwa usachitha ixesha elininzi nomzalwana nodade wabo.
Uninzi lwazo zonke, ndiyoyika ukulushiya ubomi kwaye andinalo ixesha elininzi. Rhoqo ndicinga ukuba andiyiboni indlela jeya utshatile, uya kuba nabantwana bakhe, uya kufumana isikhundla esifunayo emsebenzini. Ndicinga ukuba le yeyona nto iphambili kubunye kamama, kuba ubomi bufutshane, kwaye abantwana bafuna ukukhathalela koomama kunye nengqwalaselo. Mna nomyeni wam sizama ukunxibelelana ngakumbi noVanya, unomdla kwimicimbi yakhe. Nditsho yonke imihla ukuba ndiyazingca ngabo, ndiyathanda kwaye ndinqwenela okona kulungileyo.
Ndiyazibuza: ngaphezulu kweminyaka engaphezu kwama-40, kodwa akukho bantwana! Oosaziwayo baseRussia osele bengabanye oomama
"Bendingakulungele ukuba ngumama"
Xa ndazalwa, umama wayengama-23, utata - eneminyaka engama-25 ubudala. Ndandinabazali abancinci, kwaye yayilungile. Singonwaba, sibaleke, sidlale, ukukhwela umtsalane, kwaye kwabonakala kum ukuba uMama noTata ngoontanga bam. Ukungena kwam eyunivesithi, ndanikwa i-internriple yaseMelika, kwaye, kunjalo, ndavuma. Emazwe, yonke into yayingayiyo, kwaye kwiinyanga ezininzi zokuhlala kweli lizwe, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ndiza kuphupha ukuze ndiphuphe umsebenzi, kwaye ndiza kucinga ngomtshato ngamanye amaxesha kamva.
Ngenxa yokubhotwe, ndahlukana nomfana oselula. Wayefuna ukutshata, ukudala usapho lwemveli, apho umyeni uya kuyifumana, kwaye umfazi ubandakanyeka endlwini kwaye ukhulisa abantwana. Abazali bam basabele kakubi kwisigqibo sam, kuba bacinga ukuba ndiza kuhamba emanyathelweni abo kwaye nge-20 sele ndibanike umzukulwana okanye umzukulwana.
Ndicinga ukuba kufuneka wenze usapho xa sele ulungile kule nto. Andiqondi ukufakelwa kweSoviet ukuba kwi-20 kuyeyona nto ifunekayo ukutshata, kwaye emva kweminyaka emi-3 ukuya kweli-2 ukuya kuzala umntwana. Ngubani ofunekileyo? Kwakufuneka ndifumane indawo yam ebomini bam kwiminyaka engama-20, yokufezekisa okuthile ukuba ungahlali kwintamo yomyeni wam.
Ndisebenze kwinkampani enkulu ngumphathi okhokelayo, ndaba yintloko yeSebe. Ikhondo lomsebenzi laliphumelele, bendinendlu yam, imoto, izihlandlo ezininzi ngonyaka ndibhabha. Abazali bahlala bebuza xa nditshatile. Babefuna abazukulwana kwaye babengonwabanga ngempumelelo yam yobungcali. Ngenye imini, xa ndakufika ndityelele abazali bam, saphazanyiswa.
"Ndikhetha ubomi obunjalo. Ngaba abantwana kunye nabazukulwana ngokwenene - ngaba yiyo kuphela umsebenzi wabantu? Ndiza kuba ngumama xa ndifuna, hayi kuba ufunanisa abazukulutho, "andinakuthi cwaka ngakumbi kwaye ndibaxelele yonke into endiyifunayo.Ukususela ngoko, imibuzo evela kwinxalenye yabo yema.
Ndandineminyaka engama-37 ubudala xa ndadibana nomyeni wam wexesha elizayo. Ndaba nobomi obutyebileyo: Umsebenzi, ukuqina, ukudanisa, ukuhamba, izinto ezintsha zokuzonwabisa. Umyeni wam wayeneminyaka engama-40 ubudala, kwaye wayenenxaxheba kwishishini lakhe. Khange sicwangcise abantwana, ngandlela thile savuma kwangaphambili ngento esiya kuhlala kunye. Kodwa ukukhulelwa okungalindelekanga kwenzekile xa ndandineminyaka engama-40 ubudala.
Khange ndisebenze ekliniki kwindawo yokuhlala, kodwa ndaya kwi-gynecologist yam ukuya kwiziko lezonyango labucala. Zapho iinyanga ezili-9 ubudala. Ugqirha wam akazange azivumele ukuba enze intetho malunga nobudala bam. Ngokuchasene noko, wandikhuthaza, wanconywa ukuba ndingoyena mntu ukhulelwe, kuba ndilungiselela lonke ixesha lokuqeshwa kwakhe.
Sasinentombazana esempilweni eyayizisa okuhle ebomini bethu kwaye yayizalisa ngentsingiselo ethile. Andizigqali umama omdala, ngokuchasene noko, bendinamandla amaninzi kunye nomnqweno wokuqhubela phambili. Xa intombi yam yayiminyaka eli-1 ubudala, ndaya emsebenzini, kwaye abazali bam kunye ne-nanny babehleli nomntwana. Umntwana ozelwe emva kweminyaka engama-35 uqaqadekile, kubonakala kum. Ukuvela komntu ophambili, uqala ukunyanga ngokunganyaniseki, ukubala amandla akho. Ngoku ndingakwazi ukunika iintombi ezininzi, zabelana ngamava, ulwazi lobomi. Ndilandela inkangeleko yam kwaye ndiyayazi into endikhangeleka ngayo. Xa intombi ibuza ukuba ndineminyaka emingaphi, ndiphendule ngokunyaniseka. Uhlala esithi wenza owona mama mhle nobuqili. Ndiyathemba ukuba siza kuqhubeka kunye neentombi zakhe, ngaphandle komahluko omkhulu kubudala.