Abazali abanetyhefu yenzakalisa abantwana babo, baphathwa ngobuqhetseba nabo, bahlaze, bangenzi ingozi. Hayi kuphela emzimbeni, kodwa nangokweemvakalelo. Bayenza naxa umntwana ekhula.
Chwetheza 1. Abazali bahlala belungile
Inomdla: Imigaqo yemfundo yoomama baseMelika abafanele ukusebenzisa ilizwe lethu
Abazali abanjalo bayakubona ukungathobeli komntwana, izinto ezibonakala zincinci zezinto ezinqabileyo njengohlaselo ngokwabo kwaye ke zikhuselekile. Bayathuka kwaye bahlazisa umntwana, batshabalalise ukuzithemba kwakhe kwaye bayigubungele ngenjongo elungileyo.
Ibonakala njani? Ngokwesiqhelo, abantwana ngabazali abanjalo bayakholelwa ekuchanekeni kwabo kwaye babandakanye ukukhuselwa kwengqondo:
Ukungakhathali. Umntwana unendawo eyahlukileyo apho abazali bakhe bayamthanda. Ukukhanyela kunika isiqabu sethutyana esiya kubiza kakhulu: Kungekudala ikhokelela kwintlekele yeemvakalelo.
Ngapha koko, umama akandicaphukisi, uvula amehlo akhe kwinyaniso engathandekiyo, "abantwana abanjalo bacinga.
Ithemba. Abantwana abanabantu babo bonke abanamathela kwintsomi yabazali abafanelekileyo kwaye bazigxeka kuzo zonke iingxaki zabo:
-Andikufanelekela ulwalamano oluhle. Umama notata bafuna eyona ilungileyo kum, kodwa andiyithandi.
Ukulungelelaniswa. Oku kukhangela izizathu ezifanelekileyo ezichaza okwenzekayo ukuyenza ibe buthathaka kancinci emntwaneni. Umzekelo: "Utata wandibetha ukuba andifundise isifundo."
Kwenziwe ntoni? Esazi ukuba umntwana akakufanelekeki ukuba umama noTata basoloko beguqulela ngokuthuka kunye nokuthotywa. Ke ukuzama ukungqina into kubazali abanetyhefu, akukho sizathu. Indlela elungileyo yokuqonda imeko kukujonga amehlo omnyango wesithathu. Oku kuya kunceda ukuqaphela ukuba abazali abayimangalisi kwaye baphinde basebenzise izenzo zabo.
Uhlobo lwe-2. abazali abaziphethe kakubi
Bona, umntwana ungcakaza abazali bakhe. Uza kufika njani umama notata notata?
Chonga ubuncwane babazali abangabethi kwaye bangamkhubekisi umntwana, aba nzima. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, umonakalo kule meko awubangelwa sisenzo, kodwa ukungasebenzi. Rhoqo abazali abanjalo baziphatha njengomntwana ongancedikiyo nabangakhathali. Benza umntwana kwangoko ukuba akhule kwaye anelise iimfuno zabo.
Ibonakala njani? Umntwana uba ngumzali ngenxa yakhe, bazalwana noodade abancinci, umama okanye utata. Uphulukana nobuntwana bakhe.
-Ndingahamba njani xa ufuna ukuhlamba yonke into kwaye upheke isidlo sangokuhlwa? -UOlga wathetha iminyaka yakhe. Ngoku ngu-35, waphula umama wakhe kuyo yonke into.
Amaxhoba anetyhefu abazali baziva imvakalelo yokuziva unetyala kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba, xa bengakwazi ukwenza into ukuze kuxhamle usapho.
"Andinakubeka umzalwana omncinci ukuba alale, uyakhala ngalo lonke ixesha." Ndiyintombi embi, omnye umzekelo wokucinga kwintsapho enjalo.
Umntwana unengxaki yokusilela kwenkxaso yeemvakalelo evela kubazali. Ukuba ngumntu omdala, unengxaki zokuzimela: ungubani, ufuna ntoni ebomini? Kunzima kuye ukwakha ubudlelwane.-Ndifundile eyunivesithi, kodwa kubonakala kum ukuba ayisiyonto ikhethekileyo endiyithandayo. Andazi ukuba ngubani endifuna ukuba yiyo, - indoda yahlulwe ngeminyaka engama-27 ubudala.
Kwenziwe ntoni? Nceda abazali bangaze bathathe ixesha elingakumbi kumntwana kunokufunda, imidlalo, ukuhamba, unxibelelwano nabahlobo. Ukungqina ubuthi babazali kunzima, kodwa unako. Umzekelo, sebenzisa nezibakala: "Andiyi kuba nexesha lokwenza imicimbi yam, ukuze naluphi na uncedo okanye kamva, okanye icinyiwe ngokupheleleyo."
Uhlobo 3. Abazali abalawulayo
Inomdla: Umdlali odumileyo waseTshayina wala abantwana ozelwe ngoomama abaninzi ngaphandle kokuphela koluntu kubangele kwaye waphula umsebenzi wakhe
Ulawulo olugqithisileyo lusenokubonakala njengolumkelo oluqhelekileyo. Kodwa abazali bayoyika ukuba ngokungeyomfuneko kwaye ngenxa yoko bakwenza oko ukuba umntwana enze ezona zinto zixhomekeke kubo, ukuze azive ngaphandle kosapho.
Amabinzana azithandayo okulawula abazali:
-Ndiyenza kuphela kuwe kunye nokulunga kwakho.
-Ndiyenzile kuba ndikuthanda kakhulu.
- yenze, okanye andisayi kuphinda ndithethe nawe.
"Ukuba awenzi le nto, ndinesifo sentliziyo."
-Ukuba awukwenzi oku, awungonyana / intombi yam.
Konke oku kuthetha ukuba: "Ukoyika ukuphulukana nawe kubaluleke kakhulu kuba ndikulungele ukukwenza ungonwabi."
I-maniculators iyonyula ulawulo olufihliweyofikelela kwinkanuko yabo, kodwa yindlela enobuchule - yenza imvakalelo yokuziva unetyala. Benza yonke into kangangokuba umntwana wayenento yokwenza noxanduva.Ibonakala njani? Abantwana abaphantsi kolawulo lwabazali abanetyhefu abafuni ukubakho, balazi umhlaba, boyise ubunzima.
U-Oksana, oneminyaka engama-24 ubudala uthi: "Ndiyoyika kakhulu ukuqhuba imoto, kuba umama wayehlala esithi kuyingozi kakhulu.
Ukuba umntwana uzama ukuxabana nabazali bakhe, musa ukuyithobela, usoyikisa imvakalelo yokuziva unetyala.
-Ndimkile nomhlobo wobusuku ngaphandle kwemvume, ngentsasa elandelayo umama wayesesibhedlele ngentliziyo egulayo. Andisokuze ndixole, ukuba kukho into eyenzekileyo kuye, libali lobomi begor yonyaka eli-19.
Abanye abazali bayathanda ukuthelekisa abantwana kunye nomnye komnye, yenza imeko yekhwele kusapho:
-Umzalwana wakho unobuchule kunawe.
Umntwana uhlala eziva ngathi akalunganga, ezama ukubonisa ubungqina bakhe. Yenzeka ngolu hlobo:
"Bendihlala ndifuna ukuba njengomninawa wam osele ukhona kwaye, onje ngaye, wangenise iZiko loMthetho, nangona wayefuna ukuba yinkqubo.
Kwenziwe ntoni? Phuma kulawulo, ngaphandle koloyiko lweziphumo. Oku kuhlala kukhanya kwesiqhelo. Xa umntu eqonda ukuba akayonxalenye yabazali bakhe, uyayeka ukuxhomekeka kubo.
Chwetheza 4. Abazali abanako ukuxhomekeka
Bona: Ibali lomama omnye ophosa isiselo sabantwana
Abazali botywala bahlala bekhanyela ukuba ingxaki ikhona. Umama, ukubandezeleka kunxila kweqabane, ukhumbule, esithi ukusebenzisa utywala rhoqo ngoxinzelelo.
Umntwana uhlala esithi umntu akafanele aveze iintlungu ezivela kwindlu yezindlu. Ngenxa yoku, uhlala exakekile, ubomi boyika ngengozi bangcatsha usapho, betyhila imfihlo.
Ibonakala njani? Abantwana babazali abanjalo bahlala bengakwazi ukwenza iintsapho zabo. Abayazi indlela yokulukhulisa indlela yobuhlobo okanye ubudlelwane, bahlukumeze kwikhwele kunye nokukrokrela.
"Ndihlala ndisoyika ukuba umntu omthandayo uya kukhutyekiswa, ngoko andinalo ubudlelwane obunzulu," i-Angelina, iminyaka engama-38 ubudala.
Kwintsapho enjalo, umntwana unokukhula ehambahamba phantsi kwaye engakhuselekanga.
-Ndisoloko ndinceda umama ukuba adibane nobawo onxilayo. Ndandisoyika ukuba uya kufa okanye ambulale unina, ndandinexhala lokuba andinakwenza nto ngayo, "utsho uOlega, uneminyaka engama-36 ubudala.
Enye impembelelo enetyhefu yabazali abanjalo kukuguqulwa komntwana "ngokungabonakaliyo".
"Umama wazama ukusindisa uyise ngenxa yokunxila, wambeka kuye. Sinikwe thina, akukho mntu wabuzayo ukuba singayitya, njengoko sifunda oko sikufundayo - ibali lonyaka oneminyaka eli-19 uElena.
Abantwana baziva benetyala labantu abadala.
"Xa ndandikhulile, bendihlala ndithetha nam:" Ukuba udla ngokuziphatha, Tata uza kusela, "utshilo uChristing ngoku.
Kwenziwe ntoni? Sukuthatha uxanduva lokwenza abazali. Ukuba uqinisekile ukuba ubagweba ukuba babekho, baya kucinga kakhulu ngokusombulula. Nxibelelana neentsapho ezichumileyo ukuba kude nenkolelo yokuba bonke abazali bayafana.
Uhlobo 5. Bazali abahlazisayo
Yifunde kwakhona: Uhlala ndikhala umntwana - ukuba kuthetha ukuba ningabazali ababi. Ibali lomama omnye onamathele nale ngxaki
Bahlala bethuka kwaye bagxeka umntwana ngaphandle kwesizathu okanye ukugculela. Isenokuba sarcasm, ukugculelwa, amagama esikuthoba, ukuthotywa ukuba bakhutshwa kwixhala:
-Simele sikulungiselele ubomi obukhohlakeleyo.
Abazali banokwenza umsebenzi "weqabane":
-Ngaba ukhutyekiswe, kukuhlekisa nje.
Ngamanye amaxesha ihlazo linxulunyaniswa nengcaciso yentsebenzo:
-Ungafumani ngaphezulu kunam.
Ibonakala njani? Isimo sengqondo esinjalo siyabulala ukuzithemba kwaye sishiya izidalwa ezinzulu zemvakalelo.
Ixesha elide bendingenakukholwa ukuba ndingayenza okungaphezulu kokunyamezela inkunkuma, njengoko uBawo owatshoyo. UAlexander uthi: "Ndazithiya ngale nto," utsho uAlexander, eneminyaka engama-34 ubudala.
Abantwana bayayibhangisa impumelelo yabo. Bathanda ukubujonga amathuba abo okwenyani.
-Ndifuna ukuthatha inxaxheba kukhuphiswano lwezicubu. UKrina wathi: "Ndamlungiselela kakuhle, kodwa khange agqibe ukuzama," utshilo uKarina. -Umama wayesoloko esithi ndidanisa njengebhere.
Ityhubhuli yolu hlobo inokujikiswa ngamathemba angenakuqonda abantu abadala emntwaneni. Kwaye uyabandezeleka xa ukhula.-UTata wayeqinisekile ukuba ndiza kuba ngumdlali obalaseleyo webhola. Xa ndaphosa eli candelo, wathi andimi nto, "UVictor, oneminyaka engama-21 ubudala.
Abantwana abakhulileyo kwezo ntsapho bahlala benotyekelo lokuzibulala.
Kwenziwe ntoni? Fumana indlela yokuthintela izithuko kunye nokuthotywa ukuze kungakhathazeki. Kwincoko, phendula yi-monosyllant, ukuba ungaqhathanga, ukuba ungathuki okanye uzihlambele. Ke abazali abanetyhefu abayifezekisi injongo yabo. Eyona nto iphambili: akudingi kungqina nantoni na.
Ifowuni kunye nengxoxo yobuqu igqityiwe ngaphambi kokuqala ukufumana imvakalelo engathandekiyo.
Chwetheza 6. Abazali abasebenza ubundlobongela
Bona: "Mama, uTata uyandithanda, ucinga ntoni?": Ibali likatata owayengenakuthandi umntwana ongamzalanga
Kwakunjalo ngabazali, kuba abazali boba ngumntu oqhelekileyo. Kubo, le kuphela kwendlela yokususa umsindo, ukujamelana neengxaki kunye neemvakalelo ezimbi.
UbundlobongelaAbaxhasi bezohlwayo ezihlanganisiweyo bahlala bekholelwa kakhulu ukuba i-Slaps iluncedo kwimfundo, yenza umntwana anesibindi kwaye womelele. Ngapha koko, yonke into ichasene: Ukubethwa kusetyenziswa eyona nto iyenzakalisayo yengqondo, ngokweemvakalelo nangokomzimba.
USusan phambili kwiincwadi zakhe malunga netyhefu kusapho luphawula ukuba "ukungcangcazelwa kokuzithemba okukhona phakathi komntwana kunye nomzali, isenzo sokugqwetha." Amaxhoba amancinci asenamandla omdleyi, abanandawo yokuya kuhamba, kwaye akukho namnye kubo onokucela uncedo.
Iipesenti ezingama-90 zabantwana abasindileyo ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo bangathethi ngayo.
Ibonakala njani? Umntwana uziva engenazithemba kwaye enqwenela, kuba ukukhala kwabo kunokuqhutywa kukuqhuma komsindo kunye nokohlwaya.
"Khange ndixelele mntu ndide ndifike kwinkoliso yokuba umama undibetha." Kuba bendisazi: akukho mntu unokukholelwa. Ndamcacisela amaqhekeza amakhulu kwingalo kunye nemilenze yakho ngothando ukubaleka kwayeatsiba, - Tatiana, eneminyaka engama-25 ubudala.
Abantwana baqala ukubathiya, iimvakalelo zabo zihlala zinomsindo kwaye zithandabuza ngokuziphindezela.Ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo bungasoloko buthetha ukunxibelelana nomzimba womntwana, kodwa yenzakalisa owona mbonakaliso. Abantwana baziva benetyala ngento eyenzekileyo. Baneentloni, boyika ukuxelela umntu okwenzekileyo.
Abantwana bagcina iintlungu ngaphakathi ukuze bangaphuli usapho.
"Ndibone ukuba umama uthanda utata wotyelelo." Ndikhe ndazama ukumxelela ukuba wayengumdala "mdala". Kodwa wadanduluka kangangokuba ndingasakhathali ukuba ndithethe ngayo, - uNona, eneminyaka engama-29 ubudala.
Umntu osindileyo ubundlobongela ebuntwaneni uhlala ekhokelela ebomini kabini. Uziva ecekisekayo, kodwa mhle, umntu owenzakileyo. Awunakho ukuseka ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, uyaziqonda ukuba akafanelekanga uthando. Le inxeba elinganyangekiyo kangangexesha elide kakhulu.Kwenziwe ntoni? Ekuphela kwendlela yokubaleka kumdlwenguli kukubaleka, ubaleke. Ukufuna uncedo kwizalamane kunye nabahlobo abanokuthenjwa kwiingcali zengqondo namapolisa.
Ngokucacileyo, abantwana abasoloko bekwazi ukuqaphela kweliphi usapho usapho. Abantu abadala bahlulwe ngamava abo, abasele beqonde ukuba kuvela khona iingxaki zabo. Nangona kunjalo, ngemiphumo yobuntwana obunjalo inokusokola. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula-oko akuqhelekanga, izigidi zabantu zaphakama kwiintsapho ezityhefu, kodwa zakwazi ukonwaba.