The fact that the Father must be involved in the life of a child on a par with mom, they say more and more. True, not all moms are ready to share care for children and household responsibilities with their partners (even if they clearly need help and support). Why this happens and how to change it, Irina Zhigilli says in the blog Selfmama.
You noticed how in the company of young mothers the conversation from the discussion of the first dust and the benefits of the baby swimming goes to "Does your husband help you with a child?" Writes rebenok.by.
The topic, as it turns out, the patient: In some families, the husband works a lot, the family sees it only at the weekend (and then on the sofa), in other men, the baby cannot trust in general, because "everything will do wrong." Somewhere a husband can only help with already matured children: "What do you need these babies?". And if the role of mother in the child's life is not discussed (it is believed that the education program of children is laid in a woman at the genetic level), then the fathers say there is no genetic program, and its inclusion in the education of children depends on many vital factors.
It so happened that in the post-war period, all the concerns about the family had to take on women. The result is sad: several generations of children rose without the image of the father, they have no understanding what he should be, what does what he says. The 90s added oil into the fire, forcing all adults to live the "survival" mode. There was no longer before conversations and included parents, it was necessary to work, earn, stand in queues. Therefore, another generation of children who have not seen fathers in their childhood and have no idea what family partnership is.
We recently conducted a small survey in the selfmama telegram channel and asked subscribers: "Can the mother affect the level of the father's involvement in the child's education?" 27% of the participants answered that their husband "becomes more included when they support his actions in raising children", but 51% of the survey participants answered: "I think everything depends on the man - if he wants, then actively participates in the upbringing of children " But the study of Sarah Shoppe-Sullivan and Elizabeth Cannon confirms that the fathers are important support. She showed that the approval of the Fathers's actions in relation to their common child plays a major role and affects the participation of fathers in the care of children in the future.
Feedback
Support for loved ones is important to everyone. Especially at the moment when you do something for the first time, try, study, you are afraid to make a mistake. The sincere and correct feedback is equally important.Support initiative
Returning from the hospital with a baby, moms and grandmothers, as a rule, surround the child with care and attention, fully displacing the father from this concern: "not a male case", "will not cope", etc. Or trust a very limited circle of everyday, simple Responsibilities: Walking with a stroller, while the child sleeps, hike in the store, preparation of bathing bath. As a result, fathers have almost no opportunity to take the initiative in communicating with the child, to build their upbringing line. Therefore, the initiative in this case should not be punishable.
Trust reliable adult
Moms carrying a huge burden of responsibility for the upbringing of children, experiencing a daily colossal load that hosts many different decisions, sometimes, are not ready to convey some concerns to their partners. They are ready to leave a child with a nanny or grandmother, but not with his father, because "he will definitely not cope."Such an alignment of forces in the family becomes familiar, fathers are moving away from children and accept rules where they are not included in the solution of current parental problems. When a man, finally, remains with a child one on one, without having a child care skills, not being previously included, he does not much like moms. Of course, moms cannot resist negative comments: "I said to feed it into two!".
Right to the error
We can all be mistaken. Of course, many parent courses have now appeared, and dads are recorded increasingly. But it's all the same theory. Practice begins with the birth of a child, it is impossible to prepare for it in advance. Often, modern mothers and dads that require perfect parenthood, rereading the mountains of literature, having accepted all the ideas and advice of psychologists, begin to feel the feeling of guilt, if something goes wrong. This ends with all mutual charges. But this is a very non-constructive way. Allow yourself wrong!
It seems that positive feedback, support for initiatives, confidence and the right to make a mistake and create the foundation of the family relations, which allows mothers to share responsibility for raising children with their partners and find time for self-realization, recreation, development, and men find their own role of the Father, To form parent skills and build a solid, inspiring communication with your children.