We often talk about how to parents (and especially mothers) it is important not to forget to take care of yourself. And although the very idea of care for herself sounds great and logical, the modern idea of it seems too glossy and unacceptable.
The author of the journal Today's Parent Erin Pepler wrote an angry column that modern society (and especially marketers) pulls greatly on mothers, forcing them to prioritize their care - and exactly the one that looks most commercially attractive. Here is what Pepleche writes:
I don't know who it will be interesting, but care for yourself is nonsense.
Okay, not all that is connected with it - nonsense, but a lot. Especially if you are a woman, and even worse - mother.
The concept of care for yourself, is understandable, very good. Mental, physical, emotional, creative, spiritual - each of us has needs, and it is important for us to take care of these areas of your life.
When people say "from an empty cup will not fall out" or "put on the mask first", we understand that this is true. We cannot take care of our children if we scored on ourselves. But often it looks simply unrealistic.
The concept of "care of themselves" (Self-Care) appeared in connection with the struggle for civil rights and women's rights in the 60-70s.
There is a popular quotation of American writer and activist Audrey Lord:
"Caring for yourself is not a whim, it is self-defense and political action."
But now this concept has become fashionable word, which is used as a marketing tool to convince privileged married mothers like me that our stress will disappear if we find a suitable juice diet or a coal mask for the face.
He walked to the level of hashtegov under Selfie and advertising posts.He became a code word denoting manicure and weekends in the spa. Green smoothie after yoga. Glass of wine after a long day.
To be honest, many of these things are beautiful. I adore manicure and at me at home enough skin care to open your store. I love wine and spent yoga from time to time. I do not say that we should not do anything from the listed - damn, I want to do it more often.
But this is a new definition of care for yourself - sucks.It offers us something temporary and fake, while our protracted overwork is not going anywhere.
There is no such training or pedicure, which would save from chronic lack of sleep, added money to your bank account or a couple of extra watches to your excessively saturated day.
Somewhere there (yes, in general, everywhere) there is a mother, who has not written alone for many months alone.
Forget about a luxury vacation - she desperately wants to sleep for longer than three hours at a time and ready to kill in order for no one to pull it while she washes in the soul, or for the silent morning at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and without constant requests from children.
I think there is nothing terrible in admitting that our requests for care are very low. The mother of the newborn baby will help if someone takes her child for ten minutes (ten!) So that she could eat his dinner while he was cooled.
Maybe to be honest to the end, we just need a little time to go to the cleaning of the teeth, at the reception to the doctor, to the theater or talk with friends, without distracting.
I don't want care to look like a duty - let's change it.I want old good care of myself: inclusive, achievable and public. This is the cliché confessed about the fact that in order to grow a child, you need a whole village that unites women and helps families survive.
Offer to take a neighbor child to visit and pick it up from there, and accept the offer to help you with the same next week.
Help and allow yourself to help.
Support your village by any available ways, but do not forget that you can always say no, when you are not able to do it. We are born hardy, but this does not mean that we must bear our burden until you die. We can slow down the tempo and pause.
Despite the fact that Peplechae described in detail in detail that it was not so with the modern concept of care of themselves, she offered only one solution to solve the problem - to appeal to its local community and the nearest surrounding for help.
And although in words it sounds quite logical and even a little romantic, in reality (especially in Russian reality), this option is not available to everyone.We tried to find other ideas of care of ourselves that do not require to book a day off in a spa or sign up for yoga and Pilates, and we turned up a great post on Mama KNOWS IT ALL blog. The author of Brandy Jieter wrote a whole 21 way to show love for himself among the daily routine, and we selected those options that we liked.
That's what happened:Sign up for your doctor (and go to the reception).
Install the strict time of the penny for children so that you have time to relax and relax.
Go to bed at normal time.Ask someone to prepare for you at least twice a week. You do not have to pull everything on yourself (by the way, during a pandemic there are quite affordable home meal delivery services).
Get hobbies. It can be something that you can do at home - for example, knitting or drawing.
Do good sex. If now he is not like that, disperse, what is the problem, and decide it.
Dress every morning, even if you do not need to go anywhere. You can pick up cute clothes in which you will be comfortable.
If some kind of home makes you get more than half an hour, ask for help.
Drink water.Eat sweet only in the form of luxurious, delicious desserts.
Support the connection with your friends.
Throw your old underwear. Take care what you really are in size, looks good and sits correctly.
Speak "no" as often as you want it.When people ask how you are doing, tell them everything in detail, especially if you are doing well.
Forgive yourself for what you did in the past.
Run the attitude towards people next to which you feel bad.
Do not wait for people to figure out what you want. Tell them.Perhaps the main thought here is that the concern for yourself should not be something one-time, sporadic, sudden - in one evening, spent with friends, it is impossible to rest over the whole year of the decree.
Caring for yourself should be a routine, small everyday acts of love for themselves who helps you feel better every day - and for this not necessarily to spend millions on expensive cosmetics or procedures. And of course, for each person a concern for themselves is individual, the main thing here is to find realistic ways to replenish your resource and embed them in our usual life on a permanent basis.