Despite the fact that hysterics happen to all children and are a completely normal stage of the development of the child's nervous system, they are still considered to be the result of "spoils", the sign of "bad behavior" and the pedagogical weakness of the parents.
In many ways, therefore, parents who collided with the next explosive scandal due to the fact that it is impossible to lick the packaging of raw minced meat in the meat department or due to the fact that, as always, the time has suddenly come to go to bed, they strive to stop this session and flavors as soon as possible.
However, in the fight against children's hysteries (and, no matter how cool, even the realization that this is a completely normal and even useful process, does not make it more pleasant) Not all means are equally good - there are those that can only aggravate hysteria or turn it In a real bad habit.
The psychotherapist Amy Maureen listed five major mistakes that allow parents of the scandaling child. That's what happened.
You pay hysterical attentionAny attention (even negative!), Which you pay the behavior of the child, supports this behavior. When you say something like: "Immediately stop crying!" Or "You behave like a baby!" You inspire your child to continue your hysteria.
If you try to agree on something with a child in the midst of hysterics ("I'm sorry that you were so upset because you can't cook cookies. Do you want an apple?"), Then he will be perceived as approval of his behavior and continue Flaw on the floor with inhuman cries.
The best way to stop hysteria is not paying special attention to it.
Do not join the negotiations until the child calms down, do not try to convince him or intimidate - it is useless and will lead to the fact that the scandal will delay. If the child is necessary - be near, but do not enter into active interaction until the child starts to calm down.
You are trying to calm the child in the height of the hysteriaIf your child is crying due to the fact that he is upset with something, frightened, or it hurts him, it is possible to calm down. However, if you see that tears (as well as screams and screaming toys) are associated with something else (for example, with fierce reluctance to go to bed), they will not help our gentle words and arms.
It is better to prepare in advance.
Develop the emotional intellect of the child and teach it to cope with strong and unpleasant emotions - offer him any ways to express anger, disorder and indignation, and maintain it in those moments when it resorts to these methods.
However, do not forget - not even adults can easily cope with their strong emotions, so you should not wait for instant progress from kids.
You agree to the requirements of the childSometimes the situation becomes so hard that parents are forced to agree to the demands of the child, just to make him calm down and silenced. Yes, it is short-headed, but sometimes it seems that there is no other way to stop all these screams and suffering, except to buy this damn toy or thoroughly on a sweaty-free children's palm.
It's not worth doing so, of course, because every time you give up and give a hysterious child, because of which he will hysteriate, the child is more and more convinced that the hysterical is actually a rather effective method to get the desired (and If he does not work next time, then this is just a reason to yell louder, longer and piercing - to the victorious).
You threaten and do nothingThreats (especially those that do not lead to anything) stop hysterics either will not work either. The child is far from always capable of how to master your emotions to assess your threat, make the decision not to scandal, take yourself in hand and calm down.
Hysteria - Communication form.
Regarding children's hysterics not as "bad behavior" but as a means, with which a child comes to you your needs. It is not "spoil" or "harm" is just a form of communication.
You are trying to bribe the childAnother sign of parent despair is an attempt to bribe the child in order to stop the scandaling ("Please stand out from the floor, I will give you candy"). As in the case when you agree to the child's requirements, it begins to understand that hysterics are a convenient way to get if not desired, then just something pleasant.
Use a positive reinforcement.
And if bribe and bribes are a very bad tactic in the fight against hysteries, then the reward for good behavior can help: for example, entering into the store, warn the child that if during the whole of your hiking shopping will behave quietly and Quietly, in the end he will be able to choose a candy or a small toy at the checkout.
So you will show the child that going to the store without hysterics is much more pleasant and more profitable than the enchanting scandal in each department.
If you have noticed that we systematically allow one or more errors from this list, then it is likely that it's time to revise your view of children's hysterics.The first thing that is important to do is to accept the fact that the hysterics are normal (especially for children of early and preschool age) and are not the result of poor education (although, undoubtedly, there are factors that enhance hysteries - for example, hunger, stress and overwork).
Secondly, learn how to keep calm during children's hysterics - as much as possible. An adult, scandaling in response to the hysterical of the child, at the moment no different from this child and accurately does not help him learn how to control his emotions and feel safe.
Thirdly, analyze and systematize situations in which the child most often suits scandals. Think about how you can minimize the number of these situations, avoid them or prepare for them in advance (as in a situation with a campaign to the store and award after it).
Take advantage of these simple tips in order to gently and consistently teach a child to control their own emotions and stop hysteria before it flared up with full capacity.
Keep yourself in your hands and remember that Toddler hysterics (as much more) will be held, but the ability to live crisis situations and manage their emotions will remain with your child forever.
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