"Is that my child who takes out something again?" You can pretend that I do not know him? How would you like to turn into an ant and quickly escape! - Mom thinks, watching disassembly in the sandbox.
"Your son today broke another boy because of the toy," says the teacher in kindergarten.
- shouted to change and ran over children, "says teacher of primary classes.
Mother looks at her angelic sleeping child.
She is scary and even ashamed. Is this charming child really, it is scary to even think! - aggressor? But he is so cute and kind, just sometimes excessively active. In fact, child aggression may have many reasons. And your moms also need to remember: sometimes angry - this is normal!
Ban on emotions that adults are transferred to children
Often the problem of aggression does not exist at all as a young mother perceives it. The child just manifests his personal emotions. But in it no longer their own once depressed feelings. The fact is that in Russia the whole generations of children rose for whom negative emotions are prohibited.
For "good girls who do not scream" and for "boys who do not cry" the strong feelings of their own children are a very strong experience. It turns out if you can, then and it was possible? That is their parents that, lied?
The kids up to a certain age are very closely connected with their moms. Therefore, in the case when they show aggression, it must necessarily look at itself and analyze their emotions. Is the child really behave inadequately or is it hypertrophyly perceives the usual tantrum issued by the immature nervous system of his son?
Having worked with your emotions, a woman may perekly that her children become calmer. Either neither it nor others else strain their feelings.
How to separate emotions from actions
Having understood with you, you can already help and baby.
The first rule: anger, irritation, insult, anger has the right to be. The second rule: the feeling is not equal to the action.
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If the child is angry that he took the toy, he has right. If he decides to express his emotion to action (for example, hit the offender), Mom must connect and help him more humanely express what he is experiencing.
Ideally, all family members should be at the same time in this matter. No control over emotions, if mom says:
- It is impossible to beat anyone!
And dad:
- Give me! Escape your own!
Children quite notice these disagreements. Therefore, at least here you need to negotiate in advance.
Screaming, crying, to pronounce everything offender - you can.
Beat, bite, pinch, scratching - it is impossible.
Not only "girls and small do not beat," but in general anyone. Over time, of course, it can be explained in what situation a person can respond to a blow. But while it is still a baby and talking about living negative, and not survival in modern society.
Parents must recognize the feelings of their child, but also to ensure that he does not harm himself and others, they also have their task.
How to introduce a child with anger
- In the kindergarten, another boy took the toy you wanted? You got angry? I understand, here and I would be angry. When you experience it, you want to hit someone.
- Girl in the sandbox you teased? You were hurt. With me, it also happens. This is called - offense.
- I realized that the grandmother did not give you candy, which she promised? And you shouted so much? It is from anger. It happens when you're waiting, but you do not get.
Mom welcomes every situation with his child and calls each of his feelings. Explains that she is sometimes tested too. What happens. So it is possible. But necessarily adds:
- I understand your experiences, but it is impossible to do another. We do not beat anyone. This boiler was very painful when you hit him.
Best of all, the upbringing is not punished, but the awareness of the child consequences. Therefore, you do not need to scream, swear, and even more so beat a little man who has just experienced a very strong negative feeling for him. It is necessary to explain what follows.- If you are offended by children on the site, we will have to go home. If you select a toy, we leave the guests. If you continue to keep yourself, I will have to bring you to another room, where you will not have to play with.
This should not be something injured, but the baby must understand - he is deprived of something very pleasant for him. Will not stop - the said must be carried out.
How to work with children's emotions
You can learn your feelings to ecologically express your feelings from 1-2 years old. To do this, you can watch him and (not at the moments of hysterics or aggression) explain:
"When you're angry, you can sink with legs."
"When you're angry, you can suffer."
- When you're angry, you can break the paper.
- When you're angry, you can beat the pillow.
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Repeat many times. Especially before the events that often provoke a negative: before going outside, if there was already a holy offender, before the ban on anything.
Feeling must be named - angry, angry, offended. By the way, you can train a child and soothing respiratory techniques. For example, breathe deeply through the nose and spend the mouth loud. The kid will not understand the essence of this action, but the sequence will remember. And the effect of breathing is very good.
When a quarrel or a fight has already happened
If the conflict happened, the behavior of the mother is fundamentally important. It is impossible to become the side of the enemy, even when he is objectively affected by the side, even when it is very sorry. The task is to help your child to cope with what happened and protect it.
Mom must take his emotions.
- I understand, you took away the ball. You got angry.
Then remind about the consequences of its actions:
- You remember what we agreed about? If you hold down, we go home.
Suggest eco-friendly ways to survive anger:
- Want, we will take away together and you shake, how did we study at home? Or here is a napkin - you can break her!
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If the situation with the fight will repeat, then the child needs to be enough in a shock and leave. When calm down, explain why I had to do so. Infinite comments are perceived as white noise. And actions that were also stipulated in advance, children understand.
Games for the expression of feelings
Views of cartoons and reading books can always be used with a cognitive goal. Ask the child, what senses are characters. Or just call them.
- Look, the ball scolds Matroskin. Matroskin hurt!
In addition, you can connect joint active games that also help to throw out the negative:
- catch-up;
- bouncers;
- pillow fight;
- Shooting from aquatic pistols;
- Build towers from pillows and break them.
Just run each other and at the same time something to scream, will also help the child to live his feelings.
Important for parents
Therefore, it is necessary to talk to him. Infinitely explain what is happening with the child, and with other participants in the conflict. Children should be protected by their parents. Unfortunately, it often happens that the mother betrays - instead of dealing with and talk, it begins to scold. But after that, you can explain and tell why it happened.
- Just mom is a good girl. It is hard for her, like you, baby, behave. And, it seems, she is a little bit ... envy.