"I started to understand women more."
Sergey, 55 years old, two children from the first marriage Anna (25 years old), Polina (21 years) and four - from Second Anastasia (9 years old), Maria (8 years), Ksenia (4 years), Sofia (5 months)
St. Petersburg
When our firstborn was 8 months old, the spouse became pregnant with the second child. Two months after that, she went to work to get a decree on the second child, and in the decree, I left.
At work, everyone was very surprised that we decided to do this. There was no direct condemnation, but obviously there was a misunderstanding, why should we need a second child when the first one is still so small.
There were no problems with the design of documents. You just go to the MFC and do everything you need.
I can not say that during the decree I discovered something new. I have already been in the first marriage experience. Just then I did not think that it was possible to officially arrange it. Probably, I began to understand women anymore, I saw where the strength and time was spent.
The most difficult thing on the decret was to properly distribute time so that everything and at the same time do not worry if something did not have time.
The most pleasant thing is to hear how the child says "Papula", and see the views of people around when you walk with daughters.
For some reason, it is believed that only a mother can take care of the child, although this is not so. Dad also can easily give care and support.
Since women are now more and more and more like equality with men and choose not to give up work, then men can replace them in maternity leave or be in turn. All these are solved questions.
"It's hard for me to imagine what mothers who are forced to pull the first weeks with a child alone"Armand, 32 years old, two children - Lion (3 years), Eva (8 months)
Barcelona
After the appearance of children, it's not that nothing in our life has not changed, but we continue to do everything that we liked before: to travel, doped with friends, work. Just a small nuance appeared - now the planning of any event automatically includes the needs of a small person (and more recently - two). And it's not just time. It is necessary to think about responsibility for their (and their own!) Life, about the example that we serve.
After the birth of a child, you and your partner are becoming project managers, where the project is the life you gave your child. And this new role is lifelong, solutions must be taken every day.
Now I work a full day, and Katya is about half a day. While Eve eats milk, I spend less time with her than Katya. And in relation to the lion we divide the time and responsibilities plus-minus robust. After the birth of the daughter, I had a new level of mutual understanding and love with his son.
In Spain, where we live, both working parents receive a fully paid maternity leave. Sixteen weeks of vacation relies with each parent. Four weeks must be taken immediately, and the rest - at any time until the child has achieved a one-year-old age.
I completely spent the first month after the birth of Eva, and for two followers, 50% of the time worked.
It is difficult for me to imagine what mothers who are forced to pull the first weeks with a child alone. As, by the way, the fathers. Therefore, I am very close to the Spanish model, when both parents support each other (and a child) during the most difficult first weeks).
In Russia, the father's decree is unpopulated for many reasons. Almost all salaries in men are higher due to gender discrimination. Stereotypes are strong: for the "real man" to go on the decret - a very atypical act.
One man with a child is no longer easier than one woman. Only he also has no chest.
The most pleasant in paternity is to recognize yourself in what my child does.
This is the most difficult!
"Work will always be a lot, and the first months of the child's life are priceless"Denis, 37 years old, two children - Gleb (15 years old), Stepan (1 year)
Moscow
Even before the birth of the younger, I was sure that nothing would change in my life. Actually, we and I were configured to this. But life made its own adjustments, and with the child they were in no way connected. Our lifestyle has changed dramatically - we sat down the first wave of quarantine in total insulation and even garbage did not come out, caused couriers. I lost the opportunity to move freely, travel, meet with friends, but it was possible to spend a qualitative time with my family.
Ours with his wife share 50/50, and when the son was only born, I had them even more, because it was easier for me to get a baby, disguise or point, because I already had an experience of interaction with babies.
A child is equally the responsibility of both parents, because the fateful decision to start the child they also took together.
I'm on a remote from the end of March 2020. Therefore, we can say that I am in a parallel decree with my wife and from the very beginning is actively involved in the process of upbringing. I think that the paternal decret must be mandatory. The most optimal consider Europe's experience, where husbands should take a maternity leave for three (or six) months and stay next to his wife and child.
This is especially important in the first months, when all the problems that constantly arise questions you decide together. After all, this is a stupid stereotype that as soon as a woman is born a child, she is right there - Hop! - And immediately learned to care for the baby. Woman, if it is her first kid, is just as in prostration and misunderstanding that now to do with all this!
Works will always be a lot, and the first months of the child's life are priceless. As in advertising - there are things that cannot be bought, for the rest there is MasterCard.
I think that men do not go to the decree, because they are laid from the diaper that a man is a getter and must provide a family, and children are an easy thing.
Now this trend is changing, and among my acquaintances there are husbands that are in the decree instead of wives. To a greater extent, this is, of course, is due to the financial issue: Just the income of his wife is much more than her husband.
I really appreciate the emotions that we feel, seeing how the baby rejoices, laughs, hugs, biting behind the nose, snippening, depicting the hedgehog. I like to watch his successes in the development of the first skills. Especially surprising it seemed in the first year of life: the head was just fed at me on my palm, and now he was turned over, sat down, crawled, began to pronounce the first sounds, got up, went and now worn with gickes and screams throughout the apartment. Understanding that this is a particle of you - indescribable pleasure.
Photo by Dominika Roseclay: pexels