Narcissical personalities are strongly demonized. They are easily called abusers, self-free egoists, insidious manipulators and are often confused with psychopaths. But these are catastrophically unsure of themselves, whose self-esteem depends on external recognition. Everything that does not lead to recognition does not bring them pleasure.
Narcissal is constantly ashamed, and in order to compensate, they create a certain ideal image of themselves, to which they seek to approach all their might. But since it is impossible, they either fall into derogatory self-criticism, or fantasize about power, success and universal adoration. This very accurately writes Nancy Mc Williams :.
There is also the so-called normal narcissism, which allows us to be ambitious, adequately evaluate your abilities, achieve the goals set and adapt in society. In the case of a narcissistic disorder, a person is distorted an idea of herself.
The behavior of daffodils is placed in a certain pattern. We collected the main signs of a narcissistic disorder. It is assumed that the person who consisted at least five symptoms, most likely suffers from this disorder to one degree or another.
Dependence on someone else's opinion
Anyone is nice when it is well thought about it - however, it is vital to Narcissus. All his self-assumption is built around the way it looks in the eyes of others.
Narcissus spend a monstrous amount of energy to control their image. Each detail is the choice of work, clothing, partner, seats for recreation, is considered under the microscope. How will it be perceived by others? Will it look cool? Will it look cool to him?
Superiority over others
But what does it mean cool? This means - better than others. And how can you be better? Do others worse. That is why people who communicate with daffodils often face phrases like "you don't understand anything", "it is actually very simple", "You didn't know this (a)?"
Thus, Narcissa depreciate everything they say, and put the interlocutor to the position of a foolish child. They themselves are in the position of the wise and all-knowing person.
The feeling of its exclusiveness
Narcissus is absolutely sincerely, before the depths of his soul are confident that they are special. And deserve a special relationship. And that the rules general for all are not applicable to them.
Consumer attitude to other
For Narcissa, there are no people - he does not recognize the right to a separate existence for them by and large. People see him elements of the scenery, which he builds in the right order so that they better shade his image, gave it volume and expressiveness. This metaphor may sound abstraction, if not to know that it is precisely the most commonly used narcissistic people in the psychologist's office.
Enlighten to others
Narcissus live with a feeling of inferiority, they all lack something. They often envy people who look satisfied and have a resource cherished for Narcissa. Envy goes hand in hand with condemnation. "If you have something, I don't have, despising or ridicuing this, I can destroy it," the daffodils argue. That is why they often talk about what's all the priests, stupid, non-professional and so on.
Alternation of idealization and depreciation (yourself and others)
When entering into relations with daffodies, many people think that these are the best people in the world - such a quantity of attention and admiration they collapse on their partners. However, this always ends the same - the best person in the world suddenly turns into eternally tired, irritated and suspended character.
Inability to the sincere expression of emotions
These emotions come from a genuine me, and it is practically not developed in Narcissus. Fake, I am only responsible for well-thought-out and adjacent gestures - it is not capable of sincere and immediate manifestations.
Lack of empathy
Narcissus rarely think about the feelings of others - they are completely absorbed by the maintenance of self-esteem or the fight against a sense of shame. They almost always translate any conversation against themselves. They may ask you how your day went, listen to the first sentence and interrupt the phrase like "yes, that's why I was not set too." And for a long time to talk about how it happened.
Such an attitude to the child is likely to turn him into the future Narcissa.
Excessive love from parents, or its absence, or uneven and unpredictable allocation of attention - in all cases the parent encourages only a certain behavior of the child. For example, a mother who has always dreamed of knowing French, rejoices if the child is talented to languages, but ignores or criticizes his other manifestations. Another example: parents who failed to be implemented, hope that the child will be able to achieve career heights. Hobbies and the desires of the child himself are not interested in anyone - he is perceived as a continuation of the parents (in psychology it is called "narcissistic expansion").
Over time, the child learns to hide his "disadvantaged" parties and to protrude those who liked his parents so much. True, I turn out to be undeveloped, but the fake grows to huge sizes. He does not live, does not work, does not like - but fulfills the role, listening to the audience reaction.
Permanent estimation
The child grows in an atmosphere of constant estimation. It makes a bet as a vital object that increases parent's self-esteem. If the child grieves the parent, they will not say specifically, but they will make it clear that he is not good enough. With this respect, the child grows with a vague sense of shame for its imperfection.
Parental expectations
The child is important to her parents not as it is in fact, but because it performs some function. It is highly appreciated, but only for the particular role he plays. Parents show love only when a child matches their expectations - often completely unpredictable. It makes the child constantly strain, trying to solve what it is expected from him. He ceases to express himself freely, adjusts his traits for parental expectations and imposes a ban on everything that they do not match.
Absolute adoration
If the child is careful, he still unconsciously catches it that he does not like what it is, but appointed a certain ideal person. And in order not to lose parental love, he must fit her. The psyche begins to filter internal desires and impulses, discarding everything that does not fall under the definition of "ideal" (that is, most of the healthy and sincere human motives).
Fake approval
The child always feels that he is estimated, even if it looks like a pleasant praise. On the one hand, he believes adults, and on the other - it guesses that constant approval cannot be sincere. It seems to him that he is not enough such a relationship. So the unstable self-esteem is formed.
The idea of omnipotence
Children with a narcissistic disorder grow from injured people who had to be fine. Such parents want children to have achieved more, lived the life that they themselves could not provide themselves.
Such an installation turns out to be destructive for the psyche, because no one can live for others and no one can have everything. Trying to achieve such an unrealistic goal, a person only cripples his self-esteem.
What happens
Narcissus live as if on two poles: on one - envy, shame and feeling of their own falsehood, on the other - compensatory opposites: self-confidence, sense of exclusivity and superiority. A person perceives and evaluates himself only at moments of peaks and falls. Everything that occurs between, the passage stage spent wasted time.
The worst thing is that a person with a narcissistic disorder does not feel mine. It seems to be disassembled into fragments, between which there is no connection. There is a facade that Narcissus demonstrates others, and the wounded part for which is terribly ashamed. He rushes between two extremes - his own insignificance and an unattainable ideal.
How to be?Contrary to popular belief, people with a narcissistic disorder turn to a psychologist. They are in the inability to build close relationships, loneliness, boredom, emptiness, lack of joy, even if they achieved something.
Often they belong to the campaign to a psychologist as a way to improve themselves. It seems to them that if they become the "perfect version of themselves," they can earn love and become happy. With a psychologist, they are exempt from imposed expectations, learn to take their restrictions, meet with shame, cease to perceive their imperfections as deflectivity, collect fragments of their self in one.
In contact with the psychologist, a person with a narcissistic disorder can show the weak, the wounded part, which was hidden and which he is so shame. Gradually, Narcissus will understand that the therapist is not destroyed by what sees, and therefore, others can see it confused, dependent and vulnerable.
By and large, if such a person can feel like a "fairly good person" - not a grand and not insignificant - this can be considered a breakthrough. But even the years go to it.
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