My son has an almost unique property. He knows how to sympathize.
My son has an almost unique property. He knows how to sympathize. Or not even so. He knows how to support a person at a difficult moment. I did not teach it this. He taught life, of course.
When he was 9 years old, a dog died. Cute pupin, in which we did not have a champion. Two days we just broke through the whole family. It did not become easier. My husband and I decided to distract my son. They were ready to go to any entertainment centers. Buy any games. But he was nothing in joy. How, in fact, we. How did we try to portray whether the fun, or the joy ...
After 3-4 days the son decided that it was necessary to start communicating with peers. His friends to the question "How are you?" Received: "My dog died."
In the evening, Nenic came to me, pressed and said quietly:
- Mom, my friends do not understand. They either say "Well, and that," or immediately begin to talk about their experience. About how they once had someone died - a bird, a cat or a dog. And how did they ever survived it. And I listened to them. But from this my grief did not pass! I wanted to tell them what a wonderful dog was my born, how I love him and how it hurts me. It turns out if you want to plan someone, you need not be afraid to ask about the mountain of another person.
My husband and I did not want to give up. After 10 days we went to a psychologist. Specialist in the wounded souls lived in a beautiful district office on the banks of the river. German Shepherd went on the site. As long as we admired landscapes - a little woman with a gurus of psychoanalysis retired in a gazebo. We sat and stroked someone else's Psyche. And they understood that she was not so, "and that we are not ready to love another dog now.
The session is completed. Our son goes to us. I ask him to go with the dad into the car, and I ask myself the opinion of the psychologist - how is he?
- We talked to the dog with him. I think he will survive.
Here her eyes are animated and she informs her with great enthusiasm: "You know, 2 years ago my dog died. We were densely. Then he left, and we took this guy here. " A psychologist's woman happily shows me on a shepherd.
- What do you recommend?
- Try to distract, entertain, forget. Hide the photo, do not talk about the dog. Every year everything will pass.
All the way we were silent. I made a decision. I did not do at all. I became a brutal mom. With this evening we are in one breath, lying around and pouring tears reread the "little prince". We revised all photos of "our rose". We drew our dog. We told each other that he meant for each of us. In the morning I felt that I could breathe. According to the expression of the face of the Son, I realized that he was too easier.
A month later I went to the bird market and bought another puppy. We easily accepted it. Did not compare, did not relate wary. We bitterly and sharply took over our loss and were now ready to love someone again.
After 2 months, my girlfriend happens uneasyless grief - her daughter dies. I'm going to visit her in the hospital. It seemed to me an unbearable task. How do I look at my friend's eye? What will I talk about? The son came up to me and said:
- Speak with her about EE Mountain, remember about Nastya, let him spoke.
Time passed and my girlfriend, who lives with his wound in the heart, admitted that the most sharp and unbearable clock came to her crowds condolent, who carefully tried to distract her, talk about other people's problems, talk about their own. And only my arrival was for her consolation - we just grieved together, remembered, laughed and sobbed.
Our ancestors were wise. Previously, the "intelligent" funeral was not acceptable. Invited the aunts of the Posterchers, which would force the atmosphere. Mount needed to disappear. And then 3 times on the commemoration infinitely talking about a person. And only good.
For a child there are many painful significant events. Attentive adult may not dismiss them. If a child is crying about something, not necessarily for the sake of parental comfort to strangle his tears. It is important to consult your understanding. And be sure to try to transfer his suffering to the verbal form. Hear a story about what made him suffer. The standard adult reaction to the pain of the child is to make the situation as comfortable for yourself as comfortable.
Cute adults, someday, spend an experiment - tell others about your pain. You will notice that almost everyone will begin to sympathize to remember either their own or other stories. The main thing is that a close person in such a situation say "so what?"