No mother, grandparents, grandfather and no father say proudly: I teach, they say, daughter tolerate sexual violence ...
Source: Resource Psychology. Psychological rehabilitation
Probably, no mother, grandmother, grandfather and no father say proudly: I teach, they say, daughter tolerate sexual violence in advance. On the contrary, all (or many?) Would not wish their daughter once to go through this experience in any form. But, alas, family-friendly practices are still popular, which are learning the girl to say "no" unpleasant intimacy and what brings her physical pain.
There are many articles explaining how to help the girl from childhood to feel and protect their borders. But all this information faces non-inflexible customs, and the customs in most cases, alas, defeat.
"Many grandmother!"
There is nothing terrible in telling the child a social gesture - they say, do not hug your grandmother to be delighted? Of course, it's not just a grandmother, but about any relative and even sometimes just a guest. There is also nothing terrible if the child does it - after a one-time sentence. Hug - normally, and sometimes useful.
The problem begins when the baby does not want to hug anyone, and she is hanging over the soul and shame, or even forcibly leaving another person to take place. It doesn't matter what the reason why the conditional grandmother did not want to hug this time.
Respect for the fact that the child is not ready to join physical contact, brings up confidence in the girl that physical contacts generally require consent. And, unfortunately, on the contrary.
Probably, all modern people are clear, what communication is between the idea of the need for consent to physical contact and the ability to evaluate sexual contact as voluntary or violent.
As for the fact that the grandmother (aunt, guest, etc.) can be offended if they are not friendly, then you can remember that adults practic many different ways to show their joy from meeting or just politely say hello. And all of them are suitable for children!
"I'll still achieve your"
It often happens that the girl does not like some kind of clothing, shoes or hairstyle - but her mom (or other relatives) seems to be very important to force the girl to wear this particular dress, it is these shoes or to heat the hair in this way. And the more stubborn girl evades and explains more that this is exactly what it does not want - the more the senior relative persists.
Without a psychologist, do not understand when we are talking about the thirst to feel power (you did not want - but I still get my own!), And when about a reduced empathy together with a vague sensation, what exactly should make a happy girl. One mother as a child, so wanted beautiful dresses instead of practical Turkish trousers, which is stuck in the presentation "dress is equal to happiness." Another dad was not at all the girl, but keeps the image of a certain exemplary girl and deviations from it in the head, as in principle, deviations from the norm. As a result, everything ends with the fact that a relative is looking for a way to force a child to make exactly what causes the baby rejection.
It is not necessary about the direct violence. Multi-week persuasions and bribes of sweets, toys, special walks can go into move. Scheme one. Parent, having achieved his own, necessarily draws the attention of the child to the fact that it is now well. Does not ask the child, well, we note, but appoints that for the girl is good.
But the girl could not love these shoes, because the leg hurts and it stirs everything for her. And do not love these pigtails for the same reason - sensitive skin of the head, painful sensations. Or maybe she just has other ideas about beautiful?
"There was nothing to be afraid. Yes, everything turned out fine. I suppose you did not break. Well, now everything is ", - these phrases then enter into the sexual experience of many women, preventing them from understanding what the violence occurred. There is no need to think if you liked it.
Food violence
Do not give the girl there is when she is hungry. To force is when not hungry. To make there is something that she does not want, a cunning sticking this product in every dish and laughing at how the girl is indignant, finding again in his plate what I would not want to see there. All this is varieties of edible violence.
In the middle of the twentieth century, the theory began to spread that the upbringing of our sexuality begins with the development of our sensuality in general, and most of this development make up relations with food.
The person who got used to seek and define for himself that he was tasty and what is not very (even if he does not make a choice every time only delicious), will act as well as in relation to his sex life.
The person who other people did not give the opportunity to abandon food, then hesitate, not understanding when it time to say "no" unpleasant sexual practices.
Neggrerying hunger, that is, a physical sensation of the girl, he can grow into her tendency to ignore the famine other - emotional needs. Alienation from its own emotions makes a person defenseless before violence at all, including sexual.