If you are not the first day on the Internet, then you will probably familiar with the concept of "white coat". It is usually applied to people who, in response to other people's problems or questions, seek to tell about their own right, as if by chance, bringing the interlocutor and devalues his experiences.
Let's figure it out that in general means this concept, how to recognize that in front of you is a "white coat", where the desire is taken from this is the coat "walking", and how to be if you yourself turned out to be "in white."
In some cases, "walking the white coat" (but it is done with it - they wear and "walk") looks like a benevolent advice or a sincere desire to help, but after him - sometimes even inadvertently - the condemnation is hidden and the desire to fumble of pride at the expense of others. In the parent communities, people in the "White Coats" are encountered with an unenviable constancy. A parent is generally a beneficial soil in order to ensure that there is someone else's pain.
What is a "white coat"?We failed to find the exact source of origin of this expression. Perhaps it lies in it by sending to the old joke about the "barrel with shit and the white fracture" (google, please), and perhaps someone came up with him, looking at the poster Valeria Novodvorskaya with the text: "You are all fools and not tremble! One I am smart, in a white coat it is beautiful! "
Anyway, the "white coat" is a symbol of infallibility and the rightness of his carrier, while all the others are ordinary people - quite themselves can come in the puddle and planted ice cream.
And this, according to a person in the "white coat", will always be their fault and the result of their own incorrect actions.
How to understand that in front of you "walked white coat"?Let's figure it out how to understand that a person commenting on your post or the internet that answers you is the same, in the "white coat". Or maybe you yourself sometimes do not mind blinding the surrounding with your snow-white dress? So, what do people "in a white coat" do?
Talk about themselves (even if they do not ask about it)
And they, in general, no matter what was originally discussed. The story of his own successes can be found under a very specific issue, and as a request to the Council or help, and under the personal history of another person, and under a completely neutral article.
Masking condemnation under the tips
Sometimes it seems that a person in the "white coat" wants to help or give an answer to the question, but in fact he just talks about his experience, not even trying to listen to your.
"I had a child from birth all night, you just need to make it a normal mode" or "Try to give a child more time, then hysterics will stop - I have never been there any such problems," all this could sound like advice, but The fact sounds like reproach.
Measuring everyone by themselves
Another faithful sign of the "White Coat" is a denial of someone else's experience and insensitivity to it.
"Once I did, then you will succeed, you just don't try" and "If you want to fly to space," they say such commentators, assuming that all people are initially in equal conditions, and only their personal desire And the efforts determines their success in any endeavors.
In fact, everything, of course, happens in different ways (although, undoubtedly, the effort and desire is important in any situation), and therefore recommending the tired mother of twins from the depthion "just to find a normal job, sign up for a psychologist, call the clining and hire a nanny", Pretty cruelly.
The obligatory "equalization" of "Whiteopaltov" applies not only to the possibilities, but also at the desire of other people.
"I felt three of these children and never fed under the people - is it really necessary to drag a museum with a baby?" - Similar comments express sincere misunderstanding of the desires and motives of other people who (naturally) may vary.
But the commentator in the "white coat" is usually convinced that since he (she) has no desire to get out of the house and go to the museum or cafe, then others cannot have any such need.
Believe that everything completely depends on the person
If the child's child in the "white coat" in two months sleeps all night long, she is convinced that he does so thanks to her efforts and pedagogical talents. The same applies to children who are glad to blame puree from Broccoli in half a year, cheerfully go to ten months and begin to speak without waiting for two years.
All this is largely due to the personal features of the child and the pace of its development, but the commentator in the "white coat" would prefer to ignore and write down all the achievements of the child to your account. On the other hand, if there will be parents on the other side of the barricades, whose children do not do this, or do all of the above, but much later, then, according to the commentator in the "white coat", in this direct wine of the child's parents. Did not do, did not invested, did not follow, did not try.
In general, this is the good old victiming - the habit of blame in the sacrifice that is supposedly to blame for everything that happens to her. In order to stay on your pedestal, people in the "white coat" are ready to ignore any accident and unpredictability of the world: if you try and do everything right - nothing bad happens to happen can happen, and vice versa.
Convinced of her goodwill
Contrary to not the most good reputation, people in the "white coat" rarely want intentionally to offend someone or hurt. In principle, they do not think about the feelings of other people who receive a sudden "whiteopalt" comment - they are more concentrated on themselves.
Therefore, for them, it is often a surprise that their comments can hurt someone or offend. "Yes, I do not want to offend anyone, I just tell, as we had" or "I just expressed my opinion," they write, and, as a rule, they are sincerely believe in it.
Why do we want to put on a "white coat"?In fact, the desire to walk their "white coat" on the Internet is familiar to many - maybe even you (and some of us, what is here). And although the "whiteopalt" commentators can be found in any corners of the Internet: from communities of motorists to tourist clubs, we want to talk about what makes the parents wear a "white coat" and actively use it against each other.
We want to tell about themselvesThe most obvious and simple reason: we want to tell someone about your life. With the advent of children, the circle of communication is narrowed, old friends are little interested in our successes in feeding and laying the baby, and we have the last bastion - Internet communication that ends everything, even inappropriate comment: "I gave birth to two hours without a single break, doctors cried From pride, "- in question about what tests it is necessary to hand over to her husband, so that it is allowed for partnerships.
We want us to praiseThis item is a bit connected with the previous one. In most cases, we wear a "white coat" in order to tell someone about your achievements (or about the achievements of our child that we consider our own). "My daughter is already knowing the whole alphabet for a year" Or "my child is half a year walks on a pot," in response, I want to get "Wow!", "How cool!", "You are so well done!".
Another question is that far from everywhere these comments are appropriate, and therefore instead of admiration and praise they cause ignore and indignation. The parenthood is very ungrateful work, which refuse to recognize children, partners, grandparents, polyclinic doctors and random passersby, and therefore we are desperately trying to find a recognition at least somewhere - and wear "all the best immediately" for this.
We do not know what else to sayRemember how in the previous section we talked about the fact that many "whiteopalt" comments are written as sincere recommendations? Sometimes even the best of us get coldered and turn their desire to help in clumsy and slightly aggressive recommendation. The case when chewing is really better than talking.
What can be replaced with a "white coat"?If you have noticed a periodically emerging desire to blind the online community of the whiteness of your robe and tell everyone what you are well-known about and without, we congratulate you - you took the first step towards getting rid of this toxic and meaningless habit.
And now let's deal with how to get rid of the desire to write comments that everyone infects, and what they can be replaced.
Stick up the topics of conversation
In addition to those cases when you are directly asked: "Tell me, how did you manage to persuade the baby to sleep all night?" - A comment about your proudly sleeping babies all night will most likely be inappropriate. Pay attention to the context and share your personal experience where there is a corresponding request.
Refrain from evaluation judgments
When you share your experience, talk about yourself - without opposing yourself to others and without distributing estimates. Alien parental experience or decisions, which do not coincide with yours, do not make other people with bad parents, and you are automatically good.
Please accept the fact that you know only the situation that concerns you personally, but what happens to others is a dark forest. Therefore, it is better to write about what you are exactly sure: "I personally helped me ..." Or "I did it like this and I was satisfied ...".
Suggest advice
Instead of concing your experience and your own (even if well-dimensional!) Tips on other people, it is better to ask if they need them at all.
For example, if a friend or stranger on the thematic forum is divided into its problem, do not hurry to read her notations, better show empathy and offer assistance: "Damn, it is very hard. By the way, my child sleeps himself in a separate crib from two months. If you want, I can tell how it happened, although, probably, much depends on the child. "
Speak about personal experience
Despite the fact that parents around the world are faced with about the same problems, their parental experience can differ radically. Hold the desire to fantasize the topic of what would you do, whether you have three children instead of one or whether you have a teenager instead of Toddler.
If you are expertly understanding how to be a fairly good parent for your children, it does not mean that you can easily extrapolate your experience on any parent situations. If you didn't have any problem, but I still want to share the experience, it's better to designate it in advance: "My children never painted the walls, but they regularly scattered cereals on the floor of the kitchen - if I wonder, I can tell how we learned them Do this, suddenly come in handy. "
Speak
This is the simplest (and at the same time the most complicated) that you can do when you feel that the right moment has come for the output of the "white coat".
Before you write, "But my child ...", take a pause, exhale and think if your comment is able to bring those surrounding something except irritation. If the answer is "no", and reformulate your message to a more useful one does not work, it is better not to write anything at all.
Understand the reasons
This is, of course, the task with an asterisk. If you proceed from the fact that the "white coat" appears every time we want to talk about themselves and get praise for their achievements, then, it means, to get rid of it will help the awareness of the problem and search for other ways to solve it.
For example, it may be, instead of attacking commentators with the stories of your parent, will help you to start your blog in which you will describe in detail all your achievements on the parent front and get honestly deserved husky.
If you understand that you are not enough recognition, you should start with your loved ones. Talk to them, tell us about your experiences, ask to praise you more often. There is nothing wrong and wrong in wanting other people to notice and appreciate your everyday work - you just shouldn't wait for it from completely unfamiliar people on the Internet, aggressively imposing their achievements.
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