More and more, more and more, everything is active, I come across this question and the answer "Yes Niza, we will bypass."
More and more, more and more, everything is active, I come across this question and the answer "Yes Niza, we will bypass." It is clear that moms who remained alone should somehow defend themselves from the idea that their child will not have a second parent. Moreover, when Mom thinks she is defective without a husband and as a woman, and as a mother, then this is also a kind of catastrophe, and this is not beneficial to the child. In addition, a large number of biological fathers either themselves rose without a father, or only with conditionally present, and even drinking, so they do not always well imagine what they can do.
Many of my customers, and just good male familiar, do not understand how they can be fathers that they can offer, why do they need a child and why they need a child. To the question why you need a child I wrote a lot and in detail in my daughter's journal. This is an amazing creature that looks like you - and infinitely perfectly, constantly changing, makes a lot of funny, growing, loves and rejoices in response to your love and joy, - it is incredibly beautiful and expensive.
Why does he need a father? I will tell you how it sees on the basis of what I know from psychotherapeutic experience. And also - from the child.
ExperienceThe child comes to the world and learns to live in it. He does not know what the men differ from women, why need to learn what is more interesting - a story or chemistry, how to be if you are trying to sing a classmate, with whom you should not play cards, as you can respond to an insult. And also an infinite set of things.
Mom, grandmother is beautiful. But they are women. And they look at the world of female, even if these views are very different. Father offers another look at the world - male. And he talks about the male world, as he is arranged that it is appreciated what is considered to be unimportant. What is interesting, and what is not very. And what he, dad, differs from other men, and what he looks like them.
It is very helpful and boy, and a girl. The simplest thing is the boy's father can tell how to conquer the girl, the girl - what men should fear. In my experience, the father always went out easier and more accurate than my mom.
Yes, and for the girl it is incredibly important to know that there are good men in the world who will take care of their family or their child. And when other women tell her "Yes, they all change, they don't need children to all of them," she will argue. Because she has a dad who loves her, cares about her, never hurts a woman harm (if she is not some amazing character trying to harm him or his family). And the boy will be in front of the eyes a man who is not afraid to raise children and does not consider it a burden. And most importantly - they will grow, knowing about the male world and what it differs from female.
InterestI consider interest in my child a thing almost more important than love. Because you can love your child and do not know anything about it. "What are you doing?", "Why?", "Why is Yellow balls better for you better than green?", "Why is the lion hiding under the sofa from the rabbit? And, the rabbit is longer the teeth? " - The world of the child is filled with problems, discoveries, needs and news. They may seem adult strange, but if he really wonders - the child will open them.
And his father can tell the child about what is interesting for him. And the child will know more about it and maybe even will also connect his life with it.
I hardly use the ability to charge a gun, score cartridges and look out for partridges in the snowy forest. But I liked it childhood. And even more I liked to go on an amazingly beautiful snow-covered forest with my dad, listening to his stories about animals and fry on a fire sausage or sausages. And ride him to work, in the garage mashed gasoline. Because it is the world of my father in which he likes. So, he is insanely interesting.
Perhaps the hunt in the company with a six-year-old girl who does not know how to run skiing for the sands will not be so effective in terms of prey. But the fact that the six-year-old girl will receive and her father is from gathering in the forest for life, in my opinion, is worth it. The main thing is not to pass a stick and watch it for both of them. To drag a person against his will in the forest in Thirteen, deciding to play, finally, in the dad - can already be, rather, failure.
LoveMen's love is different from female. Of course, everything is individually, but the father allowed me to be. Sometimes he scared me, because the character of my adolescence was just a devilish, and now I am a relative period of myself, as a quiet angel. But all my childhood I knew that Dad loves me exactly what I am. Not for the top five (although they were very proud of them), not for helping the household (I was always lazy to me), but for stubbornness, an incredible look at him in the trifles and my own opinion. I felt permission from him to be myself. And knowledge as such as I am, I can love me.
Grandmother and aunt it was very refuted. Sometimes mom joined them. They often read me notation on the topic "Good Girl". But I knew that my father was right.
When he died, I found in the brigadier bag, which he bequeathed to me, a small corner of the airplane, which he threw mom when she was in the hospital. It was written there that he is waiting for me and mom, and loves us very much. I will never believe that doing such things is weakness. This is one of the most precious things for me. For me, this corner is more expensive than the apartment, which I helped buy my parents. He means - my dad wanted me to be born.
When my daughter grows, I will show her a poem that I sent her father in SMS when I was in the maternity hospital, and the pictures that he painted during my pregnancy. And she will know - we waited for her together. We wanted it to be. With such a background to live in the world much easier. And it is much easier to forgive parents for the garbage that they do later. And not to make garbage they can not at all.
SupportMom and dad are different people. They get different things with different success. There are problems that Mom decides worse than dad. There is something that it turns out better. When I grew up, I knew that money, for example, on the book, it is easier to reclaim the dad. Because for mom reading - something like chocolate sandwiches. And for the Father, every book I read was pride. I knew that in love experiences, Dad would not condemn me, but he heard and tell about his own. It helped me a lot.
He worried where and with whom I live. Saying me in a hostel half the content of money, and half - banks with red caviar, parcels with fish and deer, convincing mom that money quickly end, and I hardly buy a delicious and useful dear products.
RespectThis is another important thing - this is respect for the child. His body. Time. Interests. The fact that he appreciates and loves, even if it is scattered to the last dilution of the bear.
My father rarely praised me. But when he praised, I knew that it was truly. He knew that there are things that are important to me, and tried not to destroy them. When I read late, he did not swear, he knew that in the morning I would normally stand to school. He calmly treated the fact that I wear and listen, even if he didn't like it very much, he did not throw out my cassettes, but asked to do it. And I did a quiet TV, even if there was football on him, if I did lessons in my room and asked him to reduce the volume. And he very rarely violated the agreement.
Thanks to his father, I know that there are men who are interested in a smart woman with an ordinary appearance more than empty-oil beauty. What are men who will never raise a woman. Who do not change their wife, because they respect her and love. It is with such a wording. There are men who love and know how not only to cook, but also wash the dishes and go shopping for products. "After all, they are heavy, and your mother cannot be heavy to raise." And squeeze underwear, because for this you need physical strength.
At the same time, he was not the most enlightened man on the planet. It did not have a drop of femininity. He finished eight classes, mason courses and driver's courses. He served in the army. All my life worked as a driver, and for a long time - on complex tracks. I drove pipes, drove a "tower", delivered gasoline. He wrote with very funny grammatical mistakes and earned not so much as other fathers in our city. I wore a checkered flannel shirt and jeans, and was completely indifferent to what they were colors. This is called "simple hard worker". He broke off and rolled the hysteria periodically, could fall into depression. He had a lot of flaws and a completely disgusting his own father, and a very difficult childhood, in which he was not particularly needed. And sometimes it was very difficult for me, but I knew somewhere deep in the soul, even in the most difficult moments that he loved me.
And I led examples of our relationship with him in order to be clear: it can make every man for his child. This is not easy, but perhaps. We just need to want.