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If the child does not want to hug you, then ...This does not mean that he does not love you. Yes, it can be very difficult, but try not to take it on your own expense.
Psychologist Suzan Ayers Denam writes that a small child can have about a million reasons why he does not want to hug you in this particular second.
Here is some of them:
He had a bad day and he needed a little time to recover again, and you are trying to improve his mood with arms. In this case, it is better to just be close to wait.
He really is offended by you for something (for example, for spending a lot of time with another child or left for a business trip), but cannot express your feelings with words. Try to talk to him so that the baby learned to articulate his emotions. Again, time will help!
He fundamentally does not want to hug someone from his parents - most likely your child just passes the phase of favoritism, it also helps mostly patience.
Maybe he is just not a fan of touches. Such children can be born even from the most tactile parents!
Maybe your child is simply shy and shy if you hug it with a different parent or in public.
Universal Council in this situation can be given one: do not hug a child by force!
It is better to always ask if you can hug it now. Such an example you teach the child to the most important principle of consent.
If the child does not want to hug grandmother / grandfather / some other relatives or family friends, then this ...Again, not an indication that all these people are extremely unpleasant. Perhaps he just did not see them for a long time and he needs time to get used to them again. Perhaps your child is just very shy. Perhaps last time he met with his grandmother, she kissed him to such an extent that he had to rub her drool from his cheek for five minutes.
If your child is already talking, try later when you stay alone again, discuss with him why he did not want to warmly greet a person. Validize children's feelings and never get the baby for the refusal of hugs.
What can be done to meet with relatives for a child have become less stressful?To meet and first greeting in such cases, the child is less confused, you can use this technique.
It is necessary to tell the child that in addition to the arms, there are other forms of greetings: you can simply say "hello", wave your hand, you can give an adult hand for a handshake, you can "give five".
You can add some other forms of greetings to this list that you like your baby: air kisses, greeting cams. As they say, in any incomprehensible situation, give the child a chance to choose from which of these options for it is the most optimal.
Try to explain in advance to relatives and friends that you do not need to throw on the kid with hugs and kisses. Even verbal greeting is already a sufficient sign of respect for the child. Adults should remain in the position of adults and be able to make a child's refusal from hugs.
Why is it still impossible to make a child hugging another person?If we forcing the child to hug someone or kiss, thereby we give the child such a signal: "Your opinion and your desires are not interested in anyone, you have to do so that others are good."
In this case, children will not be sure that they themselves can decide who they are mil and who can touch them. It is impossible to teach the child with the principle of consent, if it is at the same time to hug by force or even to make hugging other people. In the end, we all want our children to not be victims of sexual violence and were able to find the strength to say "no" when some situation goes wrong.
Therefore, we need to give children space so that they learn to say this "no" now, even when we still control their lives almost 24 hours a day.
Remember that the overwhelming majority of children undergoing sexual violence were victims of familiar family, - that is, people who enjoyed the confidence of their parents - and not some terrible strangers from the gateway.
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