What prevents us from living freely and happily? Blocks our spontaneity? Limits the freedom of choice? We continue the conversation about the understanding of the personality and its protective mechanisms in the gestalt approach.
We react to different incentives of the medium in different ways. But what is primary, which gives us the opportunity to identify for yourself our interest here and now is the level of our excitement. Excitement is the beginning of contact, the possibility of a meeting. With your excitement, we turn differently - depending on how we were taught to contact him, and depending on what our fears and alarms we have today.
Anxiety is the main excitation blocker. Suppose I am lonely and want to meet a man. I have an excitement rises. But I'm scary - suddenly, for example, will I reject or ignore me?
I can allow my excitation to turn around and, using its energy, look for the most adequate ways to fulfill its desire. And I can so much to stand up that staying in my movement to satisfy your interest. Let's look at what stages of contact in which methods of stopping the excitation we use.
Start over. There was a feeling. As long as this ... shapeless. It seems I would like to meet someone ... But - Want is so disturbing! Well! And I again merge with the field. The merger helped me to stay hidden in the field, without defining even for the very reason for his excitement ...
Sometimes this mechanism helps me great. For example, when in the context of the environment here and now my desire is completely inappropriate. But if I always do it with my excitement in significant situations for myself, and this is my only way of reaction, I block myself initially in obtaining experience ...
If this stage is successfully passed, and my desire - for example, to get acquainted with a man - it was quite clear for me for me, I can again have too much anxiety for the further development of the situation. And I can block myself by the fact that instead of my desire to start performing the desire of another.
Again, there are many situations where to sacrifice your desire is quite appropriate and will be the best solution. If I have the opportunity to choose yourself - to go for my desire or accept the desire of another - all OK. But if in significant situations for yourself, I always cope with anxiety in that I replace my desires by the needs of other people - I remain blocked and unable to live freely ... This method is called introction.
For example, we go to the disco with a girlfriend, I see a guy, I liked him, and my girlfriend says to me: "Fu, what nasty! What did you find in it? Won, look - this is the man much more nice! " Well, and I obediently goes to the other side - away from my interest ... or I will tell her: "Yes, that kind of nothing, but I like this!" - Then this is a completely different story ...
Or I'm going to the cafe, and my mother says me: "Syi is better at home, there is nothing to twist the ass on people, better read book!" I can limit mom - after all, I always listen to her, and I can say: "Mom, I'm already an adult girl, and myself quite decide what to do now. Thank you for your care, but I will cope, moms. "
We assume that this stage is successfully passed, and I am on a disco or in a cafe. And I liked this guy. The excitement increases, and I get it very scary ... I feel a serious alarm. At the same time, I'm already on the border of contact. So, emotions already appear in me. And here, to remove excessive excitement and so ... calm down, I can start projecting my emotions to the man you like ...
For example, my favorite protection in situations with men - try to ignore them. I look at him and think: "What a cold ignoring type!" Or I'm angry that he is infection - looks in the other side. And I feel right as he is evil ... Naturally, all these tricks I perform quite unconsciously. In full confidence that it is exactly what I think under my projections.
We projection almost always. This mechanism remains quite healthy until one of the possible options remains one of the possible elections. If I'm stuck in my projection, like a fly in honey - everything, the connection with reality is discontinued, and contact with the medium is interrupted ...
Suppose it was overcome this stage ... He looks at me, he smiles at me. We begin the conversation. I want so much to tell him. Or I want to stroke him. But so scary! What can I do? I am starting an internal dialogue with myself ... And I sit - I stroke my knee. He is what I want to make him doing myself. Because I am very disturbing again ... And I lower this alarm with retroxia - this is how it is called.
Okay, they danced, talked - he accompanies me ... Wants, let's say, kiss for goodbye ... I also want a kiss - but how scary and anxious! I am instead of relaxing and enjoying that a man's interesting me with me on the same wave, I fall in anxiously turmoil - and trying to check everything: where is his hands? It seems too early! And what will he think about me now? And he will ask my phone or not?
Here is such a overvoltage in final contact and attempts to all predict-to-controlly called egotism. When, instead of opening your borders and get what I want to, we wonder, slammer and slip out of contact ...
In this short sketch, I made an attempt to translate the complex theoretical concepts of psychology on the human language. As far as I managed it - to solve you ...
Author - Irina Lopatukhina
Source - Springzhizni.ru.