Surely among your friends, friends, colleagues are there are those who any joke, a hint, anecdote takes on their own expense, offended, cease to talk for a while. Although, in fact, it was not about them at all. Why is this happening?
The reasons for such a model of behavior can be different:
1. Parents did not just make comments, and they tried more to offend the child, call him an embarrassment, a feeling of awkwardness, enjoy his humiliation.
So, the father of four children, an externally impudent man (traces of alcoholism, obesity, pronounced disproportionality of the facial features) loved to make fun over his older daughter. He called her to himself with a lazy gesture, made a "good face," and when she approached, he asked loudly: "Why are you so dirty, disgusting?" Girl literally a bowl of shame. The surrounding grinned, someone made a painful. I must say that the girl has grown neurotic, early left the family, making marriage with the first guy.
2. Problems with appearance (adolescent violations of fat metabolism, including silent skin on the face, seborrhea scalp, sweating), which can transform into morphophobia.
Any conversation about appearance - and such a girl begins to think that they imply it. Later it can generalize - and then she perceives any criticism as a stone in her garden. Talking about full, krivonogii and "darkens" - it seems to her that it's all about it.
3. A man is too serious and does not understand jokes. At all. Uncomfortable with him, you have to "polish" every word.
4. Criticizing parents, teachers, mentors. As a result, he or she exposes himself with self-criticism all the time and is justified even where it should not be justified. I am ashamed and inconvenient in a situation where you need to make your desires or what is stupid.
5. Feeling guilt. All problems in life, in the opinion of this person, occur due to the fact that he is bad. He is to blame for everything. "Thus told Mom." It was because of him that she could not finish a university, learn English, go to the exotic country. Such a person does not even argue, he is just to blame and constantly punishes himself for it. He does not give himself any right, overlooking. All his life is the redemption of "guilt" before mom.
6. A person considers himself worse than others. It takes care of my last place - if at all does it. Most often it is waiting for someone about him "merciful" takes care. But it is waiting for silence. If you do not care - do not deserve. And trying to deserve. He wants to all please, like, do not upset anyone.
7. Constantly compares himself with others - by itself, not in its favor. This is higher, this younger, this is slimmer ... envies, suffering, but nothing improves.
8. Transmits the same "flawed inheritance" to its children.
You can overcome this quality only when it is aware of it and careful tracking.
- Whenever a feeling of awkwardness suddenly arises in a neutral conversation, it seems that we are talking about you, ask yourself: "What is happening now? What kind words, intonation, gestures caused me an illusion that we are talking about me? Do I have a relation to the topic of conversation? "
Of course, working with self-esteem, personal borders, improvement of communicative skills.
Start working on yourself - and welcome changes in the form of psychological stability, self-confidence and lightness in communication will soon become your inalienable qualities.
Author - Oksana Arkadyevna Filatova
Source - Springzhizni.ru.