Ulwazi, amakhono, amakhono kanye nezigaba zangempela zokuthuthukiswa kwengane kwikholomu ye-Ira Zeziulina.
Ngaso sonke isikhathi ngizama ukubheka lesi simo ngokunemba, ukuhlola inkinga ezinhlangothini ezahlukene, kodwa uma kukhulunywa ngengane yami, khona-ke konke kucisha ukukhanya ekhanda, bese kucindezela inkinobho ethi "Panic".
Lapho indodakazi yami ibingazami ngisho nokukhasa izinyanga eziyisithupha, ngayeka ukulala (ha ha, kube sengathi ngilala ngaphambi). Ukuphawula okuhlekisayo kwezithangami zomama akuzange kumthembise lutho oluhle, futhi amanye amaqembu angenakuvuma abuke izingcingo "i-Osteopath eqinisekisiwe.
Futhi mina, ngokweqiniso, sasikulungele ukwenza konke, ukube ingane yami ithuthukiswe kuphela ezindinganisweni.
Gijima phambili, ngizothi indodakazi yahlasela izinyanga eziyi-8, yaya kunyaka futhi yaphela iminyaka emi-4. Kepha uyazi, lapho-ke ngikhathazekile ngakho, futhi konke ngenxa yezinkambiso zentuthuko zentuthuko ezikhethwe yi-Intanethi. Kuyadingeka ukuqonda ukuthi zonke lezi zinombolo zilinganiselwe kakhulu futhi zigxile ngokuphelele kuzo. Kepha zama ukuchaza lo mama-neurotic, ongalali izinyanga eziningana.
Ngakho-ke, manje senginqume ukukhaphela i-anathema yohlu lokubulala lwezingane lokuqala kuze kube unyaka bese ngitshela ukuthi ingane ingakhula kanjani, engangifuna ukuyikhafulela amazambane e-banana.
Isonto eli-1:
Ukudla, ukulala, kumemeza, kuqale phansi.
Inyanga eyi-1:
Ukudla, ukulala, kuyamemeza futhi kuhlale ku-poke.
Izinyanga ezi-2:
Yeka ukukhumbuza isitshalo seqanda esibilisiwe, ukudla, ukulala, ukumemeza.
Izinyanga ezi-3:
Ukudla, ukulala, ukumemeza ngezindlela ezihlukile, kuya ngokuthi kuyinika ngani; Umfula izinwele zakho ngempande uma zingena. Mhlawumbe ukumamatheka, uma uhlekisa buthule.
Izinyanga ezi-4:
Kulungile: Yidla, ukulala, ukumemeza, uzama ukukhetha ifoni yakho. Kukholelwa ukuthi ujabule kakhulu ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuncika ngaphezulu kwe-rattle, ephonswe phansi phansi.
Izinyanga ezi-5:
I-RZhet, uma ushaya umlenze nge-angle. Isitsha esithandwa kakhulu - iminwe, kepha silungele ukuzama futhi sinambithe konke okuthandayo: amathoyizi, ukushaja kusuka ocingweni, ingono ka-Daddy.
Ezinye izingane ngalesi sikhathi sezifundile ukugingqa kusuka emuva esiswini, abanye babambe ibha futhi babe emaphethelweni, futhi bafanela yonke into futhi balele emhlane wakhe (ngokwesibonelo, izwe, izwe elivundlile lihlelwe kakhulu Kufika ezinyangeni eziyi-7). Yebo, yebo, ukulala (hhayi kangako, njengoba ngithanda) futhi ngamemeza.
Izinyanga eziyi-6:
Ukhipha i-zucchild Uyazi ukuthi uMama uphendula kanjani ephendula kanjani, uma udiliza lezi zingcezu eziyinqaba ezindlebeni; Ukushelela njengoSenbernar, kwagxila emlonyeni wakhe, kuthola konke okuvela kuyo yonke indlela yakhe (ikakhulukazi ingono yakho). Mhlawumbe kungaphenduka, okusho ukuthi ukuguqulwa kwe-diaper kuphenduka umjaho, lapho ungumhlaseli, wonke umuntu onqobile.
Izinyanga eziyisikhombisa:
Ngithole ukuthi ngiphola kanjani ukuvula iphalishi etafuleni futhi ngilenze imidwebo yalo. Mhlawumbe uhlala phansi (yize, ngubani ozomhlela?), Mhlawumbe akayithatheli, kodwa ngandlela thile uvela kwenye ingxenye yombhede ngemizuzwana emithathu, wafunda ukudonsa intambo kwi-TV. Wathola ukuqothuka kwekati.
Izinyanga eziyi-8:
Splashes yolk, izama ukuvula ifoni kababa (kwanhlanga zimuka nomoya), wawela embhedeni, wamthanda uShakespeare (Chew), mhlawumbe vele ubolekwe amazinyo ambalwa (kodwa mhlawumbe ebolekile), ngandlela thile uphendukela ukuba abe yithoyilethi uma waya lapho umzuzu owodwa.
Ngifunde ukuthi hlobo luni lomdlalo "ku-ku-ku". Ukuhleka, uma ukhombisa okuthile okuhlekisayo (isimo sezulu, ukuvala ku-YouTube, umama, kuvaliwe kuvulandi - kuyahlekisa, futhi kuhlelwe umndeni ogcina ukunquma ukubona - cha).
Izinyanga eziyi-9:
Ngizame ukunambitha kwezicathulo zikababa wami, okuphakelayo kwe-feline, impukane eyomile efasiteleni, iyamemeza kubantu abangabazi, incipha ekushisweni kwelanga, lapho ufuna ukushintsha ukwesekwa, ngithole ukuthi yini Ithoyizi elihle litholakala kunoma iyiphi iphakheji.
Izinyanga eziyi-10:
Iqhubekela efulethini ngejubane lokukhanya, likholelwa ukuthi ukudla okumnandi kakhulu epuletini lakho, kusabise ikati, kungenise amahedfoni ami, elenga emlenzeni wami, njengezincwadi zomakhelwane, ngomqondo ongokoqobo we IZwi), izinkinobho zokucindezela ezingapheli ezinyathelweni ze-Musical Toy, zikholelwa ukuthi amasondo avela ku-stroller anambitheka kakhulu emhlabeni.
Izinyanga eziyi-11:
Ngokuzethemba ukhuluma ngezilimi ezintathu (noma kungekho muntu owaziyo), ukudansa odongeni ngaphansi kwamathrekhi athandwayo avela encwadini yomculo, afinyelela kuyo yonke le nto elele kubi, afundele ukuthi kumnandi kanjani ama-kethi wekhibhodi I-laptop, iyaqiniseka ukuthi wonke amakhabethe asendlini adinga ukubhekana nokuthumela lapho. Izama ukuhambisa imile. Uyawa. Uyawa. Uyawa.
Izinyanga eziyi-12:
Ugcwalisa igalari yefoni yakho namakhulu ama-selfie acacile, ngiyakhumbula, lapho ukhiye usefulethini; Akuvumeli muntu ukuthi acindezele inkinobho yelifti, avule umhlaba omuhle webhakede likadoti; Ngaqonda ukuthi kumnandi kanjani, lapho ugijima endleleni kusukela kumama; Uyakwazi ukumenza ugogo wakhe amshiye.
Uyazi, noma lolu hlu lungagxekwa (phambili), ngoba zonke izingane zihlukile futhi wonke umuntu uyakhula ngejubane lawo. Kuyiqiniso, kungaba kuhle uma ingane izokhula ngezindlela lapho izimpumelelo zayo zipendwe emini, kepha ama-alay angulottery kakhulu.
Into esemqoka ukukhumbula ukuthi zonke izinkambiso ezinqunywe ezincwadini zingamazinga okushisa ajwayelekile esibhedlela, ngakho-ke izinwele ziphinde zizibongekele ngenxa yemikhakha akufanelekile (ngoba ingane izokwenza).
Futhi ekugcineni. Indodakazi yami endodakazini yami yayinamazinyo ayi-12, futhi intombi yakhe yayinontanga - 2. ngokwesilinganiso, amazinyo ayi-7 atholakala emlonyeni. Ngakho-ke sibhala phansi ngalezi zindlela: "Emntwaneni, isilinganiso samazinyo ayi-7." Yebo, ubuqonda.
Isafunde ngesihloko