Umusomyi yanditse ko kuva mu ntangiriro yumubano wavuganaga numugabo w'ejo hazaza: ntashaka abana. Ariko, umugabo yari yizeye ko igihe kigeze cyo guhindura. Ko we, "nk'abagore bose," ashaka kuba mama. Ibi ntibyabaye, kandi gushyingirwa ku kavuri. Nigute ushobora guhitamo bigoye, bizavuga imitekerereze ya psychologue, Tut.by.
Gutakaza umuntu ufunze biroroshye, ariko gusubiza amarangamutima cyangwa kubona kimwe gishya gishya - umurimo ntabwo woroshye. Birashoboka ko utagomba Heroge ukagerageza kwigenga ikibazo gisa nawe kidakwiye. Turaguha ubufasha bwumwuga kuba psychologues kuva muri "Centre kugirango umubano mwiza".
Utwoherereza inkuru yacu, kandi turabitangaza dufite ibitekerezo byinzobere. Kugira ngo twumve neza ikibazo cyikibazo, nyamuneka ohereza ibisobanuro birambuye bishoboka (birumvikana, nkuko bikwiye kuri wewe kugiti cyawe). Kandi tuzadukora ibishoboka byose, ubwumvikane n'amahoro byasubiye iwawe. Amabaruwa atamenyekana arangwa.
- Mfite imyaka 34, yubatse - umwaka. Nimukiye mu kindi gihugu hashize imyaka 3 ku bw'umugabo wanjye - mbere yuko duhura n'umwaka n'igice kure. Umugabo wanjye yari umuntu wanjye wa mbere, ni ukuvuga, mbere yibyo nta muntu n'umwe nari mfite. Umugabo ufite imyaka 43.
Vuba aha, umugabo yarushijeho kuvuga ko dukeneye gutegura umwana cyangwa byibuze kubitekerezaho. Kandi sinigeze nshaka abana kandi ndumva ko nanjye sinshaka.
Nanjye nakundaga gutekereza kuri iki kibazo. Igihe nikitekerezo, natekerezaga ko ntashaka umwana, kuko ntari mfite umufatanyabikorwa nakazi kanyuzwe.
Nyuma yimyaka 10 nyuma ya kaminuza irangiye kandi mbere yuko mbona umugabo wanjye uzaza, nagize akazi ko gushakisha - byahinduye akazi kenshi, njya mu masomo atandukanye, ndetse njya mu masomo atandukanye, ndetse akorwa mu masomo atandukanye, ndetse akorwa mu masomo atandukanye, ndetse akorwa muri stuedio. Mu myaka mike ishize, natangiye kwishora mu cyifuzo cyawe mu rurimi rw'amahanga kandi mbona ko nshaka kwiteza imbere muri iki cyerekezo. Hatariho uburezi bwa pedagogi (ku burezi bwibanze, ndamusemuzi), byatangiye gukora buhoro buhoro uburambe ndetse nashoboraga no kubona umwarimu mumashuri yigenga. Nateguye ugereranije nakazi kanjye nyamukuru kugirango nige adahari kwa mwarimu kandi buhoro buhoro kwimukira muri uru ruhare. Hanyuma nahuye n'umugabo wanjye nimukira muri Otirishiya.
Hano, kuva ukwezi kwa mbere nyuma yo kwimuka, natangiye kwishora mu masomo makuru yo mu kidage, numwaka ushize nabonye akazi gato k'icyongereza ufite abana. Nakundaga cyane kwiga kandi icyarimwe kugirango nkore - reka mbone amafaranga make cyane kubipimo byaho, ariko ni byiza ko ndi ". Nyuma yo kurangiza amasomo yindimi, ninjiye mwishuri rya Pedagogi kandi muriki gihe niga gukora nyuma yo gukora nka mwarimu kwishuri. Ngomba kurangiza kwiga mumyaka 1.5. Umugabo wanjye azi akamaro kuri njye kandi ko abana batashyiramo gahunda zanjye.
Sinigeze nishimira ko ntabishaka. Inshuti zanjye n'abavandimwe bavuze ko ibyo ari ukubera ko ntahuye n '"umugabo wanjye". Kandi natekereje ko igihe kigeze, iki cyifuzo kizagera, nkabandi bose. Byongeye kandi, mbona ari njye, ibibazo bibiri: wenda mfite icyo bita ipikibiyi - ni igihe ibitekerezo byo gutwita no kubyara bintera ubwoba, ubwoba no gutera ubwoba. Ndarota inzozi mbi ko ntwite cyangwa ndabyare - Ndumva ubutabazi bunini iyo mbyutse!
Ifoto: PilixAByay.com.Ariko no gutekereza ko nzakuraho Tokoofobia ko gutwita kwanjye bizoroha ... Njye ahanini ntushaka umwana. Kandi iki nikibazo cyanjye cya kabiri. Sinshaka ko umutwaro winshingano zijyanye no kuvuka no kurera abana. Muri rusange, abana bato ntibigeze bantera gupfa, sinigeze nshaka gufata amaboko cyangwa ngo nifuzaga kuboko kwandi, kandi hamwe n'abana kugeza ku myaka 7-8 sinashoboraga kuvugana.
Muri icyo gihe, ntabwo mbona ko ndi umwana wumubana: Nubaha abana banjye nubaha kandi ndatumvira, ntibantera urwango. Mugihe kimwe nkunda cyane kwigisha no kwishora hamwe nabana icyongereza, kandi birenze umwe: ndetse nometse kumarangamutima kuri bamwe mubanyeshuri bigana. Gusa kurera umwana usa nkaho ari umurimo ufite inshingano kandi utoroshye. Kandi ndabizi, mubyukuri, nshobora kuba umubyeyi mwiza, ariko sinshaka. Sinshaka kwangiza ubuzima bwanjye, sinshaka amajoro adasinziriye, sinshaka kubuzwa mu rwego rwo kujya mu gihugu cyanjye. Nta musambe n'abasogore, bivuze ko bidakenewe gufasha mu kwita ku mwana.
Ndi mu bwoko bwa arirl kandi nibaza gusinzira bitinze, nkunda gukora imyitozo, njya mu kirere cyiza, nkunda guteka no kwishimira ibiryo byiza hamwe nikirahure cya divayi. Mbere yo kuryama, ndashaka gusoma igitabo cyangwa kureba firime, kandi ntigisome umwana umugani kandi ndirimbe Lullabies. Ndetse ibyo nkunda biranshimishije: Nkunda kwiga inkuru ya firime kandi ndimo kwiteza imbere muri iyi ngingo, ndashaka kwiteza imbere buhoro buhoro firime nyinshi zishaje, kumva podcast kubijyanye cyangwa gusoma kunegura.
Mbere, natekereje ko ntashakaga umwana, kuko nta na nyirubwite, ariko ubu ndumva ko ingingo itari muri ibi. Umugabo wanjye avuga ko ibintu byose bizashobora guhuza, none nanjye ntangiye mu buryo bwo kwitegura gutegura abana. Ariko kuri njye mbona ko ibyo nkeneye bitabaye mubana, ahubwo nkikinisha, usibye, nkuko nabyanditse, byari bigoye kuri njye kubona akazi keza no kwiyitaho.
Mbere y'ubukwe, naganiriye n'umugabo wanjye ubwoba bwanjye nkabwira ko ntashaka umwana. Umuntu wanjye yarambwiye, kugirango ntagihangayikishijwe, mugihe ibintu byose byaza. Umwaka umwe, nabonye ko yatangiye guhangayikiriza iki kibazo, kandi nongeye kubwira muri uyu mwanya. Ibyo umugabo wanjye yavuze ko ndi umuntu mwiza kandi mwiza, nkunda abantu, kandi abagore beza bose bifuza abana mugihe runaka kandi ko uko ashaka kwababyeyi bizaza hamwe nigihe.
None undi mwaka arashize, ariko sindashaka abana. Hanyuma umugabo wanjye yari afite ubwoba kandi anshyire igitutu: avuga ko bidasanzwe. Umugabo wanjye ansobanukirwa neza, kandi ndabitekereza inshuti yanjye magara. Ariko iyo bigeze ku bana, yanze gusobanukirwa no gufata iki kibazo, kandi vuba aha, ibyo biganiro byatangiye kumwita Frank ubugizi bwa nabi no kurakara.
Ifoto: Eric Ward, Uppla.comAvuga ko "amatiku yacu" yacu ", ntabwo twagize imyaka 30, birakenewe vuba. Kandi kubibazo byanjye, kuki umwana wumwana ari akajagari k'ubwoko "abana - iyi ni indabyo z'ubuzima n'imbuto z'urukundo, igihe tuzaba, abana bizaba ibisubizo by'ubuzima bwacu, cyane kugira ingaruka z'ubuzima bwacu, cyane kubona kopi ntoya ubwabo, udafite abana - ubuzima ni inenge, umuryango udafite abana umwana ntabwo ari umuryango, nibindi.
Kubwimpamvu runaka, ninsa mbona izo mpamvu zose zirwanya ibibazo bizima no kugerageza kwa neurotic muburyo runaka. Umugabo wanjye anbwira ko atishimye ku kazi no mu mwuga we, bityo inzozi nziza kandi ikomeye. Nta nshuti hafi, hamwe na bene wacu bose mu kindi gihugu. Yizera ko umuryango ariwo hanze muri ubu buzima bugoye. Ku ruhande rwanjye, ndamukunda cyane kandi nshaka ko yishima. Ku buryo twishimiye hamwe.
Ku giti cyanjye, nizera ko abana bashaka kugeza aho bava mu cyifuzo cyangwa kwiyongera, kandi atari ukubera ko "bareba amatiku." Ntabwo ntekereza ko umuryango umeze kubana gusa. Igitekerezo cyanjye: Umubano (uko byagenda kose cyangwa udafite abana) bisaba ko habaho akazi gahoraho, ndetse n'umugabo we batangiye kandi gushyingirwa bwa mbere, kandi turacyahurira hamwe mubibazo bimwe. Igihe nashyingiranwa, nabonye umuryango wa mugenzi wacu nkubukwe bwabafatanyabikorwa, aho ikintu cyingenzi ari umuryango winyungu, inkunga yingirakamaro, ingendo zihuriweho, iterambere ryinshi, siporo, nibindi
Kurongora abashakanye borohewe muri societe yabandi kandi nta bana. Nkuko ubu bimaze kugaragara, dufite ibitekerezo bitandukanye kubashakanye ... Ninjye mbona umugabo yagiye mu kwibeshya kubyo mfite (cyangwa azagaragara mugihe kizaza) icyifuzo kimwe nkuko afite.
Nabajije ku mugaragaro umugabo we, bizagenda bite iyo ntashaka umwana, icyo avuga, ntashaka gusenya umuryango wacu, ariko yemera ko nzabyara kubyara, njye na Niba mfashe neza umunezero we kandi tuzabitandukanya, kuko bizanyora kuri njye.
Ndagerageza gutuza ko, ahari, umugabo ashaka umwana kurwego rwibimenyeshwa, kandi atabishaka - oya, bityo akaba atabishaka umugore we, na we udashaka abana? N'ubundi kandi, imbere yanjye, yari afite umubano n'umukobwa na we utashakaga kubyara (batandukanye indi mpamvu).
Nkunda umugabo wanjye cyane kandi ndumva ko umuntu mwiza cyane atakiri inama, bityo rero ndumva nhangayitse ko nshobora gutakaza umugabo wanjye kandi nkayireka akantu gato, ariko ni umuryango. Kandi, natangiye kwibwira ko ngirira ishyari abagore cyangwa kugirira ishyari abagore cyangwa abagore batagira ubwenge, cyangwa abagore badashobora kubyara ubuzima, kubera ko badafite ikibazo kiremereye, bereka kubyara. Ndatekereza kandi ko niba ubu byaba ari ugutwi gusama, ndashaka gukuramo inda cyangwa kwarambura gukuramo inda. Rimwe na rimwe, birateye ubwoba kubitekerezo nkibi.
Ibisubizo byiki kibazo ni ibihe? Umugabo Kurwanya kurerwa cyangwa gutanga ububyeyi.
Igisubizo cya psychologue:
- kubyara cyangwa kutabyara umwana - iyi ni guhitamo kubuntu. Ibyo ari byo byose, byabaye ku isi kuva mu bihe byinshi byagaragaye mu kugurisha kubuntu, byatumye habaho impinduramatwara no kugenzura inzira yo gusama. Twagize amahirwe yo gutegura mugihe bibaye mama kandi niba bishingiye kumahame.
Ariko, hariho ingingo nyinshi zingenzi cyane.
Ubwa mbere, urashyingiwe, bityo, iki ntabwo aricyo kibazo cyawe bwite, ariko umubano wabantu babiri muri babiri. Umwana ni ugukomeza umubano, icyiciro gishya cyurukundo kumuntu uri hafi yawe. Kandi muriki gihe, kuvuka k'umwana ni imaze kwemeza rwose umufatanyabikorwa wacyo, kwemeza ko ari byiza muri mwebwe abagabo bose babana ku isi.
Binyuze mu mwana wawe, twe ubwacu twigeje kuri twe na mugenzi wacu, dukomeza ubwoko bwacu, twemeze agaciro kacu. Reka tumenyereye neza: "Ukwiriye kubaho kandi ukomeze!"
Ababyeyi bishimiye rwose kubona uburyo umwana atwara papine za nyina. Kugaragara, ubushobozi, ibintu biranga ibimenyetso no mumaso. Hamwe nigikorwa nk'iki, umugabo ntashobora guhangana. Gusa umugore uri muri couple arashobora kunoza ibitangaza bibiri, ni yo ashinzwe ubumaji bw'ubuzima.
Icya kabiri, umuntu ntabwo ari ibitekerezo bye nubumenyi gusa. Uyu kandi ni umubiri. Ibintu byose bireba umubiri wacu, ntabwo turi buri gihe kandi ntabwo abantu bose bashobora kubimenya no kugenzura. Kandi ibaho ubuzima bwe. Ntabwo ugenzura imikurire yimisatsi, umurimo wivi, umusaruro wa hormone no kwinjiza icyuma? Kandi icy'ingenzi nuko umubiri, uzi ubwenge kandi ufite uburambe, uha amakuru menshi yegeranijwe mumyaka ibihumbi byubwihindurize. Kandi ntamuntu numwe ushobora guhanura hakiri kare uburyo inzira yo gusama umwana, gutwita no kubyara bishobora kubaho mumubiri wawe. Iri ni amayobera manini ku baganga barwamiye imyaka myinshi.
None se kuki uzi neza ko umugabo wawe "atwita" akabyara umwana byoroshye kandi ako kanya? Ndetse no gufata umubare munini wubushakashatsi ntushobora guhanura uko uhuye numugabo wawe, mbega ukuntu umubiri wawe witeguye kuriyi nzira. Ntibatekereza ko ushaka, kandi ntibabakore kubwimpamvu za physiologique. Nigute umubano wawe nuwo mwashakanye?
N'igihe cya gatatu, psychologiya. Mubyawe bye bwite, mu byukuri, ntibishobora kuba amakuru yukuntu ari mama. Nigute ushobora kwiyubaha muri uru ruhare ntabwo ari ibimenyetso hanze (nasinziriye - sinigeze nsinzira; Narebye kuri firime ukunda - Narebye ibyatsi byose - ariko nkurikije uburambe bwimbere. Ni ubuhe bwoko bw'ibyiyumvo "umugabo", ni iki gisubiza mu mugore?
Kandi ibyo nibitangaje. Nta bunararibonye bwababyeyi, kandi hariho umutinya. Utekereza ko ari iki, birashoboka gutinya ibyo mutazi ikintu ntigeze numva ibintu byawe bwite? Kuri njye, ibi ni kimwe no kuvuga: "Imbuto ziryoha ku isi - amashaza, sinigeze kurya ubwacu, ariko nambwiye byinshi. Kandi impumuro, kandi uburyohe, kandi mu ntoki ntibishimishije, ubwoko runaka buramba. "
Rero, ubwo bwoba nibuka ibyo wabonye bifite uburambe. Ibi byari mu bwana bwawe, ni iki cyatumye igitekerezo cyo kuba mama?
Uravuga ku mugabo we, werekana: "Kubera iyo mpamvu, kunbona ko izo mpamvu zose ari zo zirwanya ibibazo bizima ndetse no kugerageza kwa neurotic ku buryo runaka." Uratekereza iki kuri we cyangwa kubyerekeye neurotique yawe uvuga muri iki gihe? N'ubundi kandi, bagenzi bacu ni indorerwamo zacu. Gusa umuntu wa hafi azahora agwa muburyo bubabaza cyane kandi azerekana.
Subiza unoherereje ukuri kubibazo: "Ni iki gihagaze iki mu kudashaka kubyara? Niba nari mfite kwizera ubwanjye, ni iki? "
Mugihe ushobora kwisubiza mubyukuri kuri ibyo bibazo, bizashoboka gufata icyemezo gikwiye. Urashobora gukora kubibazo wenyine, ariko urashobora guhamagara inzobere. Noneho hari amahirwe meza yo gukora kumurongo.
Ni ngombwa kumva ko iki kibazo kitagenda neza mubuzima bwawe kandi ntikizahinduka wenyine. Niba ushobora kwiyumvisha byoroshye n'ibyiyumvo byawe, urashobora gufata icyemezo kijyanye numwana ufite "amaso afunguye", gusobanukirwa niyihe mpamvu nyayo iri inyuma yawe.
Nkwifurije umunezero nubwumvikane bwimbere, ibyo wahisemo byose. Tut.by.